Consulting the Madams

They looked frightened. They fanned out and each one took a seat on a cushion chair. Women of nowadays! Not one of them knelt down to greet me before they sat down. If it was in the olden days, is it not on the floor that they will sit? Even the senior one that used […]

They looked frightened. They fanned out and each one took a seat on a cushion chair. Women of nowadays! Not one of them knelt down to greet me before they sat down. If it was in the olden days, is it not on the floor that they will sit? Even the senior one that used to kneel down to greet me when she was still a bride, she has stopped now, not to talk of the other two. When we were in Abuja, they were always going to events organized by the Ministry of Women Affairs, and they would come back saying Minister said this, Minister said that, that women must get 35 percent quota.
Anyway, when I noticed the fright in their faces, I said, “Why are all of you looking frightened?” The senior wife said, “Alhaji, we must be frightened. The last time you called all three of us together, you told us about the death of your father. That is why we are frightened, maybe something terrible has happened.” So I quickly said, “Ah, no! This time it is not like that. No one died, please relax!” I noticed that they relaxed. They allowed the veils to fall off their shoulders.
I now coughed and sneezed, then I began. “I called you today to break good news to you. You know since my return from Abuja I have been sitting here at home, doing nothing. It cannot continue like that. We are many in this house. Even though Alhamdu lillah we are eating very well, but I must do something before we eat up all what I saved during my working life. That is why I want to tell you that I have decided to become a politician and to contest for election.”
As soon as I said that, they said in unison, “Politics! Mun shiga ukku!” Umma was looking at the ceiling; Falmata was looking out through the window, while Daula had her eyes firmly fixed on the floor. So I said, “Why are you saying that? Politics is not a bad thing. If it is bad as people are saying, is it not good people like me that will enter and correct it?”
There was silence. They were shell shocked by what they heard. At last they recovered and began to speak. Umma spoke first. She said, “Alhaji, we are begging you in the name of God not to enter politics. It is a dirty thing. When you were living in Abuja and used to come for weekend and also since your return back home from Abuja, we are living peacefully with everyone in this town. No quarrel with anyone! As soon as you enter politics, everything will change. There will be quarrels everywhere. Look at the family of Alhaji Allah Gyara. Since he entered politics, trouble left, right and center. Fighting here, gossip there, quarrels everywhere. All your money will be eaten up by these politicians. Look at what happened to Alhaji Goshi when he entered politics. He had a lot of money but when he entered politics, all of it has finished. In his house now, they sometimes do not cook for many days. What is the use of that?”
She continued, “Once you say you want to contest election, this one will eat, that one will eat. Politicians will eat, voters will eat, party officers will eat, journalists will eat, printers will eat, thugs will eat, policemen will eat, election officials will eat. Then they will go and rig the election and you will go to court, lawyers will eat, court bailiff will eat, judges will eat, everyone will eat and they will leave you like that. Haba!”
Before I could answer, Falmata took over in her Kanuri accented Hausa. She said, “Alhaji, what Senior said is very true. You don’t even have to go far to see what politics does to people. Look at my cousin Yagana. Once her husband entered politics, her house is no longer the same again. All kinds of disreputable people can come to her house at any hour and just walk in, lie down on the carpet and ask for food. Even prostitutes enter her house. In fact she told me that one day she saw prostitutes opening her cooking pot. Without asking anyone they just opened the pot which was on the fire and ate all the meat that she spent many hours cooking. When she accosted them, they said they were hungry and that they had to eat and be ready because they were going to accompany her husband to a rally and that if they are hungry, they will not be able to cheer him very well.”
I was preparing to answer both of them when Daula also began to speak. She said, “Alhaji, if you enter politics will we even see you? Look at my friend Hajiya Dije’s husband. Since he entered politics she does not even see him. 2 o’clock, 3 o’clock, 4 o’clock he is not back home. He will always say there is meeting, there is meeting. He will come back very tired, he will just sleep, then he will wake up and start going to another meeting. Haba! Which wife will like that kind of thing?” 
By now I was getting angry. I said, “Look, all of you listen to me. I am older than all of you. I know this world more than all of you. I know deceit, I know treachery, I know human greed more than all of you. Nobody can cheat or deceive me in this town because of politics. So you should just relax. When I win the election, is it not you that will enjoy even more than me?”