Controlling the control freak!

Controlling relationships can stifle an individual’s growth and the foundation of the relationship. Feeling trapped in a situation where you feel confined can lead to resentment, depression, low self esteem and isolation. Most women find themselves in a controlling relationship and tend to see the situation as the end of the world for them failing […]

Controlling relationships can stifle an individual’s growth and the foundation of the relationship. Feeling trapped in a situation where you feel confined can lead to resentment, depression, low self esteem and isolation. Most women find themselves in a controlling relationship and tend to see the situation as the end of the world for them failing to see that they can work with their partner to change this pattern of the relationship as well as rebuild their self esteem and individuality.
Men tend to see the world as theirs forgetting that their partners are also human and need to be treated with some dignity and respect. A man is definitely the head of any relationship or home but some take it to the extreme and tend to be control freaks, wanting their partners to always be at their beck and call not minding if she is comfortable with the situation of not. In most cases the man forbids the woman from either changing or even handling the remote control to the TV or air conditioner, he rarely admits that he is wrong even when it is clear that he is. It becomes worse if you dare to challenge him for his wrongdoing as he could become even more rigid and abusive.
 It is not easy to deal with a controlling partner as sometimes being submissive to his controlling nature could leave you feeling like a pushover. Most controlling people have been that way for a very long time, and are extremely resistant to any kind of change that they themselves did not initiate. The controlling partner always insists that things are done his way, and his way only. Challenging that can make an uncomfortable situation much more stressful, and a stressful situation downright dangerous. If your partner is controlling, you don’t have to just sit back and let him be king of the world. There are some things you can do, depending on exactly what your individual situation is.
Some controlling partners will be obvious when they are trying to control you. They yell loudly, make a scene, and demand things go precisely their way in no uncertain terms. Others will take a different route, and appear to be sweet and helpful, while in reality using that sweetness to manipulate you.
Controlling people have a lot of issues, some of which can go back for years and years. A controlling partner is going to try and isolate you from everyone but himself. He may make fun of your friends, or pick fights with them so you won’t be comfortable being with both the friend and the partner at the same time. He might hassle you for visiting family members and spending time with them. Trying to out control; control freaks generally does not work as they have had a lot more practice at it than you.
A controlling partner may interact with everyone he encounters in a controlling manner. It is a part of who he is, and how he sees himself in relation to the rest of the world. He may truly think he is “better” or “smarter” or more “right” than anyone else can ever be. Most controlling people, at the same time, feel very insecure. They think that if they do not attempt to control the world, and the people around them, that they will get hurt.
Do not let your controlling partner break the connection between you and the people who are most important to you! Those are the people who can help you when your relationship with your controlling partner finally and eventually turns bad. If he has managed to isolate you already, try and connect again with at least a few close family members.
Before you can even begin dealing with a controlling relationship, you need to access the situation. Is it the sort that that only a few issues are controlled in the relationship or one that everything is determined by your partner? Whatever the case might be you need to find time to chat with your partner and if that does not work you then decide to stand up to him and defend your right to be treated with some respect and dignity.
In many cases, as soon as you start to stand up to your controlling partner, he will attempt to get more controlling. He will see that you have grown a backbone to him, and could decide to leave him. If he can’t manipulate you with kindness, or by trying to make you feel sorry for him, he may decide to get violent. If you think things are going to get violent, or if things already have gotten violent, then you need to get help either from a counselor or family members.
All relationships involve compromises. If, in response to his control, you give up your principles, ideals, goals, and sense of self, then you need to think twice and find better ways of making things work for you both.
In order to not feel degraded, humiliated and have your sense of self and self worth assaulted, you need to avoid being bulldozed by a controlling partner. When you are caught up in a truly destructive/controlling attachment, the best response may be to walk out. You have to understand that whatever you do will have a limited effect. These people are angry and afraid to let go of you. Hence, it is your job to let go of them, protect yourself in the process and grow.