Coping with husbands that hate having children

But in what can be described as a turn of events, now it is women who give birth that are suffering. The disturbing part of it is that the women going through this new phenomenon are mostly young women in their first marriage with one or no child yet. The news of testing positive to […]

But in what can be described as a turn of events, now it is women who give birth that are suffering. The disturbing part of it is that the women going through this new phenomenon are mostly young women in their first marriage with one or no child yet.
The news of testing positive to pregnancy seems more shocking to some men than being told they have tested positive to HIV. It is pathetic that young girls are sent parking out of their matrimonial homes for no other reason but being confirmed pregnant by doctors. Refusals by these young girls to abort the foetus land them into the pathetic state of abandonment and divorce.
Hafsat Yaqub (not real name) got married to her heartthrob when she finished secondary school. During courtship, Hafsat and her spouse had due to overzealousness chosen the names of the children they would have when they get  married. About four children already had their own names even before the knot was tied.
Some months after the marriage, Hafsat started feeling abnormal and was advised by her husband to go and see a doctor. After seeing the doctor she was asked to go for pregnancy test. The result revealed she had taken in.
Hafsat was happy and waited anxiously for her hubby to come back home so that she could pass the good news to him. Alas! Her husband’s  return home  brought sorrow to her life because instead of rejoicing with her over the generous gift from the Almighty God, Hafsat’s husband became so sad that he could not even hide it from her.
From that day, Hafsat stopped enjoying the company of her husband. He became a monster in the house so much so that he was living on his own. That is how Hafsat spent the rest of the months in sorrow. When finally the D-day came, she gave birth to her baby and was taken to her parent’s home from the hospital.
On the seventh day when the baby was named, Hafsat’s husband sent her divorce letter and that was the end of the marriage. He could not state any wrong the wife had committed.
Also narrating her own ordeal, Aisha Shamsu said, “My own is not about aborting the child, what my husband was doing was  getting  contraceptives for me . But I always had side effect to it as my body would swell up whenever I take them. He would take me to the hospital for medication and when I’m fully recovered, I would be forced to take the pills again.”
 This is how Aisha has been patiently living in her husband’s home with no child.
Some of the women going through this problem are asked to abort the pregnancy or face all sorts of abuse and punishments from their husbands.
The question some people keep asking is, why should a young man having no child divorce his wife because she has borne him a child?
The men interviewed have divergent views. While some see it as a poverty related issue, others see it differently.
In his view, Isa Muhammad said men doing this kind of thing were running away from shouldering responsibility.
Yusuf Abdullah said some men were doing that to avoid having children they could not cater for, “It is a form of planning to have just the children that one will be able to cater for.” He added that there were some men that naturally love having a wife but hate having children.
What is the way forward for women having these kind of husbands?
In her own view, Mama Asabe Abdullahi advised the women to inform their parents so that they can meet their husbands to discuss the issue with them, “Let her inform her parents, most especially if the husband is forcing her to take some pills that can endanger her health. She should not keep mute and allow him ruin her life because if she dies or become incapacitated, he will have nothing to lose. It is her and her parents that will lose,” she advised.
She also added that, “If the parents fail to reach an agreement with the husband, they should contact his parents over the issue and if he still refuses to see reason in what they are saying, they should demand the divorce of their daughter because there is no point staying with a man that would want to keep her childless.”
Mama Asabe urged Islamic scholars to admonish men that are having this kind of thought so that they would change and allow young women of child bearing age to have children.
Hajiya Lanti Adamu, a mother on her part said parents should not take it lightly with any man that would not allow their daughter to have children. She also advised the affected women to first sort it out with the husband, “Let her make him understand that she will not take it from him in a respectful way but if he refuses to rescind, she should then inform her parents so that they would then take over the case,” she said.
She expressed dismay over the way some men are using their God given power to subject their wives to unacceptable treatment like denying them the right to have children.