Dance of self-deception

What is self-deception in the first place? It is a falsehood. It is being tricky and misleading in all you do or what you are. It can be all these things or a combination. Who knows how much deception occurs between people. All we know is how much we deceive others or how much we […]

What is self-deception in the first place? It is a falsehood. It is being tricky and misleading in all you do or what you are. It can be all these things or a combination. Who knows how much deception occurs between people. All we know is how much we deceive others or how much we attempt to do so.

But one thing that most of us do and do not realise we are doing is living a life of deceit not just to others but to ourselves. We often do not know how much we deceive ourselves. And in what ways this deceit occurs. Are we aware, partially aware, or totally oblivious of these deceptions?

When we try to be something we are not, we are deceiving ourselves. When we try to be someone we are not, we are deceiving ourselves. When we portray ourselves in a good, honest light whereas we know we are far from that, we are deceiving ourselves and others by our actions or behaviour. When we try to take credit for something we did not do, we are as well deceiving ourselves and others.

In various aspects of our lives, this act of deceit happens, especially in the lives of women. Most of us tend to live a life of deceit and pretence being not who we truly are and this attitude has brought about problems in our lives and the home. They tend to live above their means giving a false impression of they are not for those who care less.

The simple reason for these acts of deceit could be to appear better than we are. To appear more honest than we’ve been. To appear more heroic than we have been. To appear friendlier than we acted. To appear to be more intelligent or cleverer than we are. So, often as not to lose face amongst our friends that we are trying to live up to their standard in life or not to lose our position in a group of friends. Not to appear weak-willed, dishonest or less than we would like to be seen.

And the person being hurt, being deceived is us and no one else. Perhaps others see through our little games and just leave us to play our games. Perhaps they don’t.  But do we realise the grievous harm we are doing to ourselves? And if we do, can we stop or should we stop them? The trouble often is the ripple effect. Start something faraway and it will eventually wash up elsewhere. In time, it will affect things even faraway. Or in this case, will affect us in ways we did not realise or ever expected.

To live a life of self-deception robs us of the experience of who we really are. Just like self-criticism robs us by hitting and hurting us. By deceit, our very actions make us actors/actresses in our own play. But who is directing? Who is producing this effect? So, to have a healthy experience without self-deception is to enjoy ourselves. Be proud of who you are. Perform on your stage, in your life, to the best of your abilities. Do your best, by yourself and others. Grasp the nettle of life and move forward to claim your place in life and reach and fulfil your potentials.

Truth-telling is the central challenge in women’s lives, the foundation of self-regard and joy. At the centre of a woman’s life is the quest to discover, speak and live her own truth, to cease living a life dictated and defined by others.

Leave self-deception behind and you will be able to lead a free, enjoyable and satisfying life. One in which you can be yourself without fear or favour of anyone or from anybody. Be proud of who you are and what you do. Proud of your interactions with others and the world you live in. Be proud of your contribution to life. Proud of being you and living your life just the way you want and not live another person’s life just to satisfy them.