Dealing with children’s tantrums

Abdullahi Ibrahim is three years old and he can cry for two hours non-stop when angry or seeking attention. This attitude is not limited to his home because his kindergarten teacher reported that he exhibits same in school. Abdullahi’s mother who has two other children, Abdullahi’s seniors, said she did not know why her little […]

Abdullahi Ibrahim is three years old and he can cry for two hours non-stop when angry or seeking attention. This attitude is not limited to his home because his kindergarten teacher reported that he exhibits same in school.

Abdullahi’s mother who has two other children, Abdullahi’s seniors, said she did not know why her little boy was always provoked and cried endlessly. 

The mother said, “The class teacher told me that he cries too much. He does not want you to correct him and does not want to be left alone, but be attended to all the time.”

She said Abdullahi got angry over little things and did not want anybody to correct him. 

“As he is screaming; that is how he will be rolling on the floor and until he is satisfied he wouldn’t be pacified,” she said.

Tantrum is an emotional outburst usually associated with children or those in emotional distress and is typically characterised by stubbornness, crying, screaming, flailing, defiance, anger, ranting, resistance to attempts at pacification and, in some cases, hitting.

Tantrum is said to be a way some children show they are upset or frustrated. It may happen when they are tired, hungry, or uncomfortable; or because they can’t get something (an object or a parent) to do what they want. It is their way of dealing with frustration.

An Adolescence Psychologist, Dr. Ojeme Maria Chika, said tantrum was neither a disease nor a behavioural issue in toddlers, adding that it was part of developmental process in most of them, but that they would outgrow it.

Dr. Chika said children threw tantrums to attract attention from their parents, care givers and teachers and that it was prominent from the age of one to three.

“At the age of three plus, any normal child will stop. It is difficult to pacify a child when he is throwing tantrums because they do it to seek attention. Parents or caregivers should find out the cause because there must be a reason. Discuss with the child and agree on certain conditions because from the age of two a child can reason with you when you discuss with him or her,” she said.

Dr. Chika further said it happened because of communication problem, adding that if a child could tell you what he or she needed in clear language, there would not be any need for that child to be angry thereby throwing tantrums.

She advised parents, caregivers and teachers to study the underline cause to know how best to handle the child, adding that “you must know what triggers the child’s action, and as the person in control, you must not lose your temper because it would `aggravate the situation.”

Dr. Chika added that, “You can also rebuke the child and give mild punishment like not playing with toys for 10 minutes. Send the child to stay in the room alone for some minutes and take other actions that will calm the child. No physical punishment is allowed. Talk to the child thereafter.”

The Child Mind Institute (CMI) advises that first thing to do in managing tantrums is to understand the child. It is not always as easy as it sounds since tantrums and meltdowns are generated by a lot of different things: fear, frustration, anger, sensory overload, etc. And since a tantrum is not a very clear way to communicate, parents are often in the dark about what’s driving the behaviour.

Parents and caregivers are advised to find out what is really going on in the child’s mind and learn techniques to calm the child.  

Like Abdullahi, most children cry and stop when they are tired thereby leaving their parents frustrated.

Steps in handling tantrum

– Practice prevention; make sure your child is well rested and not unduly stressed.

– Stay calm when the child starts his or her tantrums.

– Distract the child.

– Try humour and play with the child. 

– Help undo frustration. 

– Do not give in to demands unnecessarily. 

– Take time out if needed.