Dealing with malcontent uncles: The Korean example

If he had written the kind of letter he wrote to President Jones to the late Idi Amin of Uganda, he would have been digested as food for angry crocodile creek.And indeed, since the release of his outburst against the authority, pro-government campaigners have been clamouring for the commander-in-chief to invoke extant powers of treason […]

If he had written the kind of letter he wrote to President Jones to the late Idi Amin of Uganda, he would have been digested as food for angry crocodile creek.
And indeed, since the release of his outburst against the authority, pro-government campaigners have been clamouring for the commander-in-chief to invoke extant powers of treason against him. And by extension, all the other military boys and the only civilian who received copies of the seditious letter. Since the call is also extended to those who have read the treasonable felony, I swear by every ponmo ever served from Hassle Rock kitchen and the Kenyan restaurant, that I have not read the missive.
The reason I think the Wizard should be thanking his stars is that comrade maximum ruler of North Korea has just shown the world how best to deal with treasonable uncles. Just a few weeks ago, Kim Jong Un suspected his uncle and groomer, Jang Song-thaek (no, they are not from Plateau, silly) dreaming of sedition. When he woke up and found him sitting comfortable at an executive meeting, he ordered him dragged out in handcuffs. Three days later, the regime announced, Domkat Bali-style, that ‘’he was executed a few minutes ago”. He was only 67.
And to make sure that the charges stuck, not even the reputation of the man was spared, in case there are angels waiting to admit him into heaven on the evidence of past good conduct. The man who used to be the power behind the throne of the most closeted nation on earth was given a bad testimonial. While the man’s corpse was resting in pieces in the purgatory of malcontents, the regime’s propaganda machine was busy rewriting his epitaph. It accused him of crimes so sordid and so brutal that they could not be contemplated least of all tolerated. They described him as worse than a pig.
I wonder what people say of the Wizard in Hassle Rock these days. Song-thaek was charged with the grand offense of womanizing. I know presidents whose philandering is legendary and whose libido makes the he-goat jealous. Our culture prevents us from joining issues with them. But here was the man shivering in the firing squad accused of importing a strange culture of keeping harems in the country – all crimes punishable by death. But in case such allegations don’t work, here is one that is even worse. He was accused of planning to contact the opposition and dissidents who have escaped Seoul and pitched tents in seditionville. For such crimes, a military tribunal tried him and convicted him.
The executed Korean did not go as far as writing a 14-page letter to an incumbent charging him with, among other things, training a killer squad and being impervious to the tainting paint of corruption, these must be the most felonious offences in the universe. It would have been good if the letter writer (apology to Tony Momoh) is a saint. But there are terrible people in this country who still accuse him of helping his own daughter escape corruption charges to start with.
There are those who believe that the shares reserved for the wizard in blind trust has made him one of the richest former office holders, although in fairness, nobody has equated his wealth with that of Mobutu Sese Seko. But there are those who remember that this gaunt-looking former prisoner retired to a blissful life of assets and chattels that is able to make some unfriendly countries happy. And that having been left to roam free in spite of all that, he should be out there looking for President Jones’ interest like crossing the border to Cotonou, to bail Asari and shame the Beninoise for disrespecting the president’s best paddy. This is one of the best ways of proving loyalty.
As for the Kenyan breakfast, I believe that the full tape would be released at some point. I hope that that tape would show that Baba has dobale, or prostrated to his godson. After all, I understand that the knees of Ogun citizens are ever close to the floor. If anyone doubts me, they should check the internet for the viral video of Diya’s famous prostration before the Goggled General and Baba’s famous knee drop before Atiku Abubakar as narrated by Nasir el-Rufai. Except this were so, and I have it on good authority that it happened, the wizard should count every morning as extended day of grace from a bruised fisherman.