Dealing with the gaps and voids in our lives

I cannot but keep feeling sad for the parents, siblings and other relatives, as well as friends of those who are still missing and, we must presume, dead who had the misfortune of being on Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 which disappeared on 8 March 2014 carrying 227 passengers and 12 crew. The Boeing 777 had […]

I cannot but keep feeling sad for the parents, siblings and other relatives, as well as friends of those who are still missing and, we must presume, dead who had the misfortune of being on Malaysia Airlines flight MH370 which disappeared on 8 March 2014 carrying 227 passengers and 12 crew. The Boeing 777 had left Kuala Lumpur at 00.41 for Beijing, and still no one can say for certain where it is or what happened to it. We must thank God that it was not a Nigerian plane otherwise some people would probably have started to deny that it is missing at all, or begin to ask for the full names, ages, addresses and religious affiliations of the missing or blame someone for conspiring to make the government look bad. I was also feeling sad for those still waiting for some good news regarding their daughters abducted by Boko Haram for no fault of theirs. I was just feeling down, period.
I was trying to decide between two things; to write on the government-sponsored hooliganism we witnessed against #BringBackOurGirls’ peaceful assembly or to focus on the useless piece of “information” regarding the location of these abducted girls. I felt if indeed our security forces know where they are and are trying to decide how to approach the matter, then the best line of action would have been to say nothing. Rejecting both possible topics, I had chosen to write on the current statistics regarding jobs and the good fortunes on our economy.
Because, as things are shaping up we are witnessing a very dangerous trend. It is bad enough that one party gets to write the law, run the country, and get the judges it wants. Now our rulers can also define our words for us and make up the facts to suit themselves. We are not poor, corruption is normal, no girls are missing, and Boko Haram is something from abroad. At least, that is what one gets from following the news these days. We are creating millions of jobs and so on. And they have the statistics to prove it. Or at least that is what we are led to believe, for they won’t share the data except selectively. The problem is government data challenges commonsense and our everyday lived experience. If we are indeed doing so well economically, how come we are not feeling any better off?  
But as I was typing about the gaps in and unreliability of the official “statistics”, my daughter, Hasiya, texted me the following and I felt I should give her the rest of the page, for it is indeed the anniversary of the death of her twin sister, Inna Kaltum, in the Dana Air crash, which was what I was trying to avoid scribbling on. She wrote:
REMEMBERING OUR LOVED ONES
We never imagined having to say goodbye, so suddenly and so tragically to the ones we love. Today, June 3rd, 2014 marks the Second year since the Dana plane crash and I thought to share how I felt with people who are also coping with the loss of a loved one.
 I have gone many times in the past two years; from feeling like my sister was just here a minute ago and feeling like she had been gone for more than one lifetime. Has she really been gone that long? While life has continued to go I feel like I am frozen in place. Days have come and gone, and yet it feels as if nothing has changed. Over the 2 years my friends have gotten married, had babies, found new jobs….the list is endless. Yet my most remarkable accomplishment is that I get out of bed each day and go to work.
 Even for those mourning the same person this day would be approached in many ways. While some may want to do something to commemorate the day, others just want the day to pass with little recognition.  I just want to curl up in my bed and cry; the day signifies one of the absolute worst days of my life, filled with pain and desolation, filled with so many unanswerable questions.  
Someone asked me about my sister a few days ago; I showed pictures and spoke about her and it struck me that I will meet many people in the future who never met her at all and eventually some who never even heard about her- it felt really strange.
 Inevitably, two years have passed, two whole years without the person I grew up with, the person who I played and cried with. Nothing will ever be enough to give us any sense of comfort because the fact still remains that they are gone; and that unbearable pain will still be there.  
Other than getting up and go about my daily routine- I find that I don’t care about anything else. I know I am not alone in feeling this never ending pain….and I want to say to all of you who have lost a loved one, that time does not heal wounds, we just have to get up each day and pray we develop the strength and courage to live. I hope that the pain will someday be bearable and maybe we will begin to feel some semblance of peace.
Happiness lies for those who hurt, those who love and those who have lost, as only they can appreciate the importance of the people who have touched their lives.  
I share your pain and will keep you in my prayers, please keep me in yours, May Allah have mercy on our loved ones, pardon them and reunite us all in paradise, Insha Allah. Amin.