Dealing with the ups and downs of marriage
“My husband’s 13-year-old nephew lives with us. This boy has caused so many problems in my home and rebuking him always causes a fight between my husband, me and his siblings. My husband doesn’t rebuke him because he’s afraid of what his siblings will say, even though he is the first son. The boy in […]
“My husband’s 13-year-old nephew lives with us. This boy has caused so many problems in my home and rebuking him always causes a fight between my husband, me and his siblings. My husband doesn’t rebuke him because he’s afraid of what his siblings will say, even though he is the first son.
The boy in question has been stealing meat from the pot and money from me and his uncle. He keeps denying anytime he is asked. I caught him one day and reported to my husband but surprisingly, he instead blamed me for the boy’s actions. He said if I had given the boy enough food, he would have no reason to steal. I thereafter took a decision to lock all rooms, including the kitchen, and my husband got angry and called a family meeting where it was decided that I should apologise to the boy for being unjust to him. What should I do?”
Halima Umar, 39-year-old Biochemist, says, “Even if marriage was the ultimate achievement in this life, it would surely not be this kind of marriage. If her husband threatens to send her packing if she refuses to apologise to the young boy, she should also threaten to leave him for jeopardizing her safety and peace of mind in his house. That boy has to leave that house and if her husband insists on keeping him, she should fight to protect her home, if children are involved.”
Ifeyinwa Chris, 40-year-old accountant, says “This can’t even happen in my home. Never! Why on earth do in-laws think they can impose their opinion or decision on the lives of a married couple? They should all try to stop the young boy from instead they are trying to turn the table around by blaming the wife. In this situation, things will only get worse as the boy will have the notion that they are supporting whatever he is doing and by the time they try to stop or caution him, it would be too late. They should realize that they are causing more harm than good. As a woman and his wife, I am sure she knows how to handle her husband as there are many ways to deal with men with such mentality. Enough of these rubbish women endure in the name of marriage.”
Binta Shehu Abdullahi, 40-year-old lawyer, says, “Some women lack wisdom, sorry to say, but is marriage the highest of human achievement that you allow yourself to be degraded to such a level because of a thirteen year old boy? But on second thought, I don’t think the whole story has been said. There must be some elements of the story the woman is leaving out. She didn’t mention if she had children, what if the children are the perpetrators of the act which the thirteen year old boy is been accused of? No responsible husband will put his wife at such risk of allowing his in-laws put her through any stress. As a man, he should take control of the situation and ensure that anyone staying under his roof adheres to the instruction of his wife and not the other way round. Asides that, I think there is more to this story. What kind of man is comfortable knowing fully well that his wife is been stressed by a thirteen-year-old?”