Divorce: Who keeps the child?

 “Can we put aside who is right or wrong in this matter? I want to adjourn this judgment for you to settle as a family for the sake of the good times you once had and your children,” she pleaded.“My lord everything has been done to settle this feud within our families, yet no headway. […]

 “Can we put aside who is right or wrong in this matter? I want to adjourn this judgment for you to settle as a family for the sake of the good times you once had and your children,” she pleaded.
“My lord everything has been done to settle this feud within our families, yet no headway. My main prayer is for the custody of my son. I am a United States citizen,” the man replied. “My nine year old son, who was born there, is also a citizen. The mother is not. I don’t want him to stop his studies because he is only in sixth grade.”
The boy’s heartbeat increased, sweat began to trickle down his face as soon as his father informed him about the divorce. He will be relocating back to the United States. He would have to leave his mother whom he usually shares time with at home in much of his young life, the environment he had begun to love, the friends he has made and the rich Nigerian culinary delicacies.
Then he felt the world crashing down on him and around his dreams of becoming an astronaut. Above all, he fears his desire to study under the watch of both parents was a distant possibility; his fate is taking a twist for the worst. Deep in his heart he does not want to stay alone with his father nor does he prefer his mother as a single parent.  
Single parenthood is on the increase in the society. It results from broken marriages. According to the FCT judiciary annual report, about 257 petitions for divorce were received in 2012/2013 out of the average 888 civil marriages registered in the FCT in 2012. This shows that approximately 29 per cent of those who signed the dotted lines for civil marriages alone annually still seek its legal annulment in Abuja.  
This statistics is just for civil marriages and excludes Islamic, Christian and customary marriages.
Family counsellor Umoni Osasere says divorce and the ensuing contention over child custody are knotty issues that no marriage and child would wish to experience.
She lists effects of divorce on children to include psychological, mental and spiritual problems. She added that the children of such homes show signs of “anger, bitterness, guilt and insecurity. The children may not have a well molded character and may end up being wayward”.
She admitted that the presence of a father helps in the discipline of the child because the authority he wields cannot be over emphasized. However she says the mother is in a better position to take custody of the child.
“The woman knows more about the children than their father. Even where there is no divorce, mothers are always closer to the children than their fathers especially those who rarely stay home. It’s easier for the children to be with their mother and she can then replace the paternal gap by finding a father figure (usually a close relative) for the children”, she said.
There is a religious and moral consensus that the woman is more entitled to custody of the child provided the child is yet to attain the age of discretion. It is the responsibility of the father for the upkeep of the child whether in divorce or not.
The right of the woman to keep the child is however forfeited once the woman remarries to prevent a conflict of interest that could influence the child negatively.
 According to Imam Abdullahi Mohammed, an Islamic cleric “Muslims guard their religion jealously and would not want anything to influence it. If a Muslim male marries a Christian woman and converts her to Islam and there is divorce and the woman remarries, the man should take custody of the child to prevent reconversion or other influences. If the man is not able to cater for the child, close relatives can take the child, if they are incapable, an Islamic Charity Organization will take over and bring up the child.
“In some instances, the Emirs, were the custodians of orphans or children born to the mentally deranged members of the society.  All these are done to prevent the children acquiring wrong values,” he said.
Joyce Okoronkwo, a nutritionist suggested custody contract which will include two homes for the child. Under this arrangement, the child can interchange stay with the father and mother. If this is acceptable, both parents can also divide among themselves provision for the child’s up keep in 75:25 per cent ratio between the father and mother respectively.
But Esther Uzoma, the national coordinator of Proactive Gender Initiative, an NGO for women and child rights, describes this proposal as vague. She said the consideration of the law in child custody is the best interest of the child. This includes accommodation, nourishment, clothing, availability of parent among others.
On the ration of input for the child’s upkeep, she asks: “How do you calculate the  per centage of a human’s requirement? How do you monetize the emotional involvement of the child?”
It has been argued that many a parent will not keep to the terms of agreement on child custody when divorced. If a parent chooses to be irresponsible to their terms in the custody agreement because they are gravely hurt or disappointed by the outcome, they may ignore it all together.
If any of the parents cares much about their child, they may be more hurt to stay without them. Experts believe there is no perfect marriage. So in the long run, is it not better you stick to the marriage and raise your family as one whole unit? Or at least follow the judge’s counsel to remember the good old times.