Do women need to quit certain jobs after marriage?

There are several hurdles a woman still encounters while trying to balance her career with family expectations. She is faced with raising a new family and keeping up with the challenges of advancing her career.  Blessing Adebayo (not real name) narrates her ordeal: “I dance as a profession. Lately, my husband has been complaining about […]

There are several hurdles a woman still encounters while trying to balance her career with family expectations. She is faced with raising a new family and keeping up with the challenges of advancing her career.  Blessing Adebayo (not real name) narrates her ordeal: “I dance as a profession. Lately, my husband has been complaining about my kind of job and has told me to quit and find something else to do. I have tried to explain to him that dancing doesn’t always have to be provocative. It is really telling on our relationship and I do not know what to do. Dancing is my passion, letting go of it will be letting the of my whole essence waste away.”
Every man wants an educated and cultured woman as a wife. Amina Shuaibu, a 36-year-old teacher says: “An educated and cultured wife is the desire of every man but if being a professional dancer means she has to shake her butt in public while he sits and cheers, then I am sorry to say that it will not work. She has to stop because it will be degrading on the part of the husband.”
Dancing is not dignifying for a married woman says Folashade Biodun, a 45-year-old businesswoman: “Though I may not know the type of dance that you are talking about but be it what it may; as a spinster it may be good and lovely but as a married woman, it may not look all that decent, responsible and respectful more especially when you are dancing to promote another person’s business. It is quite different from acting, I know it may hurt you being your choice of profession but you can go into a related business that is more respectable and decent for your status.”
Passion for something can never be denied and many mothers have thrown away their passion to save their marriages, says Hajiya Maryam M. Usman, 49-year-old civil servant: “I understand how it feels and it can be painful. The truth is that, that is what marriages most times bring to us. If you ask me I will suggest she gives up the Job, the issue is not like dancing is bad as a profession. But as a married woman, the question is can you handle the challenges that come with a profession like that? No one really take seriously a married woman in that profession. Travelling for shows and performances isn’t going to be easy knowing well the family is being neglected with frequent trips and rehearsals. I will suggest she establishes a dance academy where she can train young people and set the timings to suit her schedule without conflicting with her family.”
Ifeoma Daniel, a 35-year-old sales representative, believes that marriage is all about compromise: “I was once a footballer, I stopped playing because my hubby didn’t like it after we got married. Compromise is what keeps a home going. Marriage is not a competition, I let go of my football career because it wasn’t what my husband wanted and it was not attracting respect for him from his friends. There are some jobs that can attract respect but when marry the status quo changes.”
Any job done professionally deserves respect, says Kehinde Akanbi: “My guess is that because we reside in a part of the continent that does not take dancing seriously it is treated as an unprofessional career for the married and unmarried. This issue is something that should have been discussed before marriage. Personally, I can’t give up something I love to do for a man. Will the husband quit too if the case was the reserve? I don’t think because someone is married he/she should quit what makes them happy.”
Marriage counsellor Maryam Abdullahi explains that as a married woman, you have to make a lot of sacrifices:  “As a married woman you don’t expect how things worked for you as a sprinter to continue to be same. You have more responsibilities now than when you were single. A married lady still dancing to earn a living is absurd … There are things you sacrifice as a married woman. Relationships involve commitment and sacrifice. Sometimes, what we should sacrifice may mean a lot to us but it brings with it a successful and happy home. The husband is protecting her by asking her to quit the job, the best she can do is to make sure that he is respected in the eyes of the society. Ladies have quit acting, soccer, bar jobs and all sorts of jobs that do not conform with the ethics of marriage. There are jobs out there that will earn her a living and great respect. The home-front always comes first in a married woman’s life no matter what.”