Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

According to a study published by the Journal of Communication, couples in long distance relationships have more meaningful interactions than those who see each other on a daily basis, leading to higher levels of intimacy. The study, co-authored by psychologists Crystal Jiang of the City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey T. Hancock of Cornell […]

According to a study published by the Journal of Communication, couples in long distance relationships have more meaningful interactions than those who see each other on a daily basis, leading to higher levels of intimacy.

The study, co-authored by psychologists Crystal Jiang of the City University of Hong Kong and Jeffrey T. Hancock of Cornell University, also suggests that individuals in such relationships are more likely to idealize their partners.

A lot people tend to agree with the study while another school of thought believes otherwise.

People stay apart for so many factors they can’t help. And for people who love each other deeply, the distance causes tension and raises the question: Does absence makes the heart grow fonder?

Lifextra, as usual, hit the streets with the question and people readily expressed their views on the issue.

Chey Castle responded with a yes. She said “Sometimes you and your partner need some time to figure out your life without each other. And besides with good communication, the heart will not only grow fonder, the feeling will go higher.”

Samson Mendos Elisha who lives in Jos said “Yeah! It makes the heart grow fonder especially if there’s genuine love between a couple. It makes you miss them, you think of all the times you shared with them. This makes you appreciate them more and wish they were with you.”

When Lifextra sought to know if distance wouldn’t lead to infidelity, Elisha responded thus “If there’s genuine love between a couple, you only think of what matters to you. There won’t be room for any negative thought. So when the heart is occupied with the thought of your partner and the good things you are missing, there wouldn’t be any room for infidelity.”

Another respondent, Patience Steven, said “Yes, of course, because absence alone is a killer disease. When you truly love someone, the thought of the person not being with you makes the heart fonder. At times you miss the company of those you love so much because they aren’t close to you.”

When asked if absence and distance between two people would leave ‘room’ for infidelity, she said “Sure it will give room for infidelity for those who do not truly know the meaning of love and cannot just keep themselves holy. To some extent, if you truly and genuinely love someone, distance shouldn’t be an excuse for infidelity.”

However, not everyone agrees with the responses given above as some others had different opinions. “I disagree,” Sarah Erima Odee said.

Citing the experience of a friend, Odee spoke further “My friend’s ex-boyfriend and my friend stayed apart for the better part of 3 months while he worked outside the state, she only saw him when he came for short weekends about twice a month. It did not help their relationship at all so they had to call it off.”

Shulaxy Excel, a fashion designer, also disagrees. She said, “It depends on who you are and the amount of emotional, physical love that you need. Yes, you may miss that person more (which I agree), but what about infidelity?”

But for Zuwera Musa, who is in her early 30s, “When you are away from your boyfriend or spouse, it makes you love them more because separation intensifies love.

Citing a personal experience, she said, “I really started to miss school after we graduated. Then after being separated from my mum by death, I see myself loving her more and more every day, wishing she could come back. It gives the heart more time to know what it wants. It makes love grow stronger.”

Goni Victor, who resides in Kano, told Lifextra “An adage says ‘you never know what you have until you lose it’. This applies to absence. Absence creates emptiness; and emptiness in this case is that abnormal melancholic feeling of lack in which the heart tries to balance up by increasing the threshold of desire.”

“The heart then becomes fonder, ignores all the negatives of what it is missing and focuses only on the positives. In relationships, absence can actually be used as a testing tool,” he concluded.