Does stubbornness pay off in a relationship?

 My husband and I had a misunderstanding and it was his fault. By evening, he came back with lots of goodies and still did not apologise. I was bent on having him apologise this time around because he never does and when I ask him, he says, ‘apologies are meant to be said by women […]

 My husband and I had a misunderstanding and it was his fault. By evening, he came back with lots of goodies and still did not apologise. I was bent on having him apologise this time around because he never does and when I ask him, he says, ‘apologies are meant to be said by women and not men.’ I wasn’t going to let it rest until he apologised. So, I decided to be stubborn and cold towards him and everything associated with him. The bottom line is that he couldn’t take my stubbornness anymore after three days and decided to apologise for the first time since our five-year-old marriage. So, tell me, did I do wrong?”

Jamila Musa, a 37-year-old accountant, says: “You should count yourself lucky that your stubbornness paid off, it would have been a different story for another woman whose husband has no regard for women. It takes only God for husbands to apologise. Not many men know how to stoop low to say sorry, some prefer to express it than act it like bribing with gifts and most times such gifts are quite unnecessary. It all boils down to ego.”

Thirty-nine-year-old nurse, Hannatu Mohammed, says: “I don’t support that a husband must say sorry; as long as he acts sorry, that is enough to let you know he is remorseful. As women, we know when a man feels sorry and we should understand instead of giving them emotional trauma. As women too, some of us feel too big to say sorry and only act it by preparing our husband his favourite dish.”

However, Hannatu’s colleague disagrees. “I disagree with her. At times, the magic of that simple 5-letter word is needed and very important.  I believe in saying it and not acting it. Every woman loves to hear her man say ‘I’m sorry’ when he does wrong, it gives her the feeling that she is cherished and loved and not just a piece of accessory in the home or his life,” she stated.

Rabia Ibrahim, a 40-year-old accountant, believes that: “When it comes to hearing ‘sorry’ from my partner, I have personally removed my mind from it. When it comes, I accept and if it doesn’t, life goes on. Men are funny, when they know you expect and long for it, they say it and you have to give something in return, if you know what I mean. A sorry from a spouse never comes without being repaid.”

The ability to apologise is actually very important in any relationship and not just in a marriage. Even God expects us to learn to solve our problems/quarrels before they escalate.

On the other hand, mothers should start teaching their sons to say sorry and to treat women well. If not, they will grow up with the belief that men don’t say sorry, and then marry our daughters and the cycle continues. Let’s prepare our sons to be good husbands tomorrow.

Finally, the idea of saying sorry is not gender-related. A lot of women do not also apologise, it swings both ways. However, apologies should always be said when and where necessary.