Don’t allow money issues bankrupt your relationship

One issue that keeps cropping up in most relationships is money and to handle it. We have heard of instances where bitter and protracted arguments over money led to the collapse of years-long marriages because money issues made couple lose trust in each other. A lady who went holidaying in Dubai narrates how money issues […]

One issue that keeps cropping up in most relationships is money and to handle it. We have heard of instances where bitter and protracted arguments over money led to the collapse of years-long marriages because money issues made couple lose trust in each other.
A lady who went holidaying in Dubai narrates how money issues spoilt the fun: “While in Dubai I was happy when my husband gave me his debit card to shop. I bought designer bags, shoes, jewelry, perfumes and clothes which cost a lot; in fact, it ran into millions. At the end of the day he was angry with me and said I failed the test, as he was testing to see how prudent I was with money. I am angry too. My question is should couples test each other, especially when it relates to money?”
Asmau Bashir, a 40-year-old educationist, says this is a clear case of going overboard: “She went overboard, especially when it wasn’t her money but that of her husband. He giving her his debit card wasn’t enough reason for her to spend extravagantly. Spending millions for shopping for materialistic things was sheer madness and stupidity. Wasting millions at a go has shown her husband how extravagant she is. It also shows she lacks managerial skills. On the other hand testing between couples is bad and is like setting a trap for one partner to fall into. There is always a probability that the person will fail. But all the same, if I would love to ask her one question, if it was her own hard earned money, would she have spent that much on irrelevant things? We need to get a grip of ourselves as women, there is more to live than living above our means just to remain in the classy and trendy class.”
Elizabeth Larab, a 32-year-old nurse, says: “I got married last year; the very first day my hubby gave me his debit card and travelled I didn’t misuse the privilege as I had to call to let him know I wanted to withdraw money from his account and the amount I was withdrawing. Surprisingly, he came back and said he did that to test me. Now I have unlimited access to his account and I don’t have to explain any transaction. It’s difficult in our part of the world to see a man give his card to his wife, so when that happens, we should see it as a rare privilege and respect that by being prudent with his cash.”
For Halima Adam Saleh, the extravagant lady in question just lost her chance with her man regarding money issues. “What would it have cost her to buy less expensive things and explain to him that she saw things she liked but didn’t want to spend too much, he would have asked her to go get them out of love and respect. But the slightest opportunity she had she decided to buy all her fantasies. I am sure he wasn’t testing her because he couldn’t afford them but to see how much she would spend a day. Well, now she lost all chances. Hard luck,” stated the 36-year-old pharmacist.
Thirty-five-year-old Adewale Martins notes that: “Millions would have done a lot of good with a lot of reward back home but as usual women need to prove they travelled by bringing back expensive things even if it costs them everything in life. She forgets that she would get more respect in the society by helping the needy in the society. This is all vanity upon vanity. As a man, I would never want such a woman as a life partner; she definitely will not be able to manage my home financially and even morally.”
Marriage counsellor Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi notes that: “He tested you and you failed woefully. He can’t trust you with his money again. Well, test is normal in any relationship but it shouldn’t be done in the extreme. The money you spent was too much, no matter how rich your husband is we don’t have to behave foolishly. If he can’t trust you with money issues then he will hardly trust you with anything else because as they say ‘money is the root of all evil.’”
She adds that: “To whom much is given much is expected, he gave you his card you squander millions in a day on depreciating assets that would not bring back any value to the family. A woman with money or credit card in the shopping mall is like a child in the candy store but it still doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be prudent when spending. Please let’s be careful in our quest for materialism, we all love designers but not at the detriment of a spouse’s pocket.”
Abdullahi stressed explained that: “When it comes to spending people’s money (husband’s money) is good to be wise, even if you know he has so much money behave as if money/material things are not your problem at the moment. Most men no matter how rich they are do not like wasteful women/wives. It is better for him to go shopping with millions for you than you using such an amount from his money.”
The counselor advises that: “And most importantly, we should understand that life is not a competition because it is certain she bought everything expensive because she wants to show off to her friends. Be sensitive of each other’s feelings and consider yourselves a financial team. The important point is to avoid bankrupting your relationship in the name of money.”