Don’t bite the fingers that fed you

“I keep asking myself, if it were so, why I would I have to wait until they were full grown adults, before I started bewitching them. It would have been easier to save my money and spent it on my two children and given them the luxury they deserved rather than deprive them because we […]

“I keep asking myself, if it were so, why I would I have to wait until they were full grown adults, before I started bewitching them. It would have been easier to save my money and spent it on my two children and given them the luxury they deserved rather than deprive them because we had to take three uncles and an aunt into consideration in our budget.

“Even if I go somewhere today and they are dragging food and whatever basic amenities by the leg on streets, it will not hurt me one bit if I don’t pick a pin for them. I will not feel guilty if I do not give them a drink of water for the rest of my life.”  

These are the bitter and angry words of one Mrs. Mary Peters, let down by people of the same flesh and blood who once clung to her for survival.

It is very easy for many of us to forget where we are coming from and to forget what it was like when the chips were down with no where to turn. For many of us, it is very easy to forget our benefactors and those who made the most impact on us in those trying times. We forget those who had to forgo a lot of things to accommodate our needs and make us feel loved and welcome. Now that we are in our comfort zone it doesn’t matter any more those people who helped us arrive at this destination.

This is absolutely not the way to act towards anybody who has loved you enough to care for you and share your burdens. When you do this you are biting fingers that fed you. To bite fingers that fed you is ‘to treat someone badly who has helped you in some way, often someone who has provided you with money’.

Help as we know does not begin or end with receiving money, there are so many other things people give which is far more than financial aid and are the actual reasons for many of our successes.

A simple illustration is that of a dog who is fed and taken care of by its owner only to turn round and bite those same fingers that feed and bath him. It is most disrespectful and very ungracious. But this is how many of us operate. Note that no one is saying you have to be indebted to anybody for the rest of your life or keep saying thank you to them forever. But it is unacceptable not to express gratitude and worst of all turn around in condemnation of one’s benefactors.

Being ungrateful does not only exist on personal levels. It also exists in places of work and business. If you work in a company that has invested in training you and enriching your wealth of knowledge to help you perform better at the job you were employed to do, you owe such an establishment the duty to utilise your newly gained experience for the benefit of your employer. The norm for a lot of us is to spend a few weeks and resign afterwards because we suddenly have attractive curriculum vitae and therefore hot cakes in the labour market. It is even worse when the said training takes place abroad. Many of us don’t bother to return. We forget that it was due to our employers that we have risen to where we are.

As with many other situations, as human beings we tend to forget easily, especially our humble beginnings. When we start climbing up the progress ladder, we dress  ourselves in pomposity, arrogance, pride robes and engage in loud talk, with reckless abandon so much so that it doesn’t seem like anyone else played a role or helped prop us up.

Such attitudes usually block chances for others who may be looking for help and probably would have behaved better. But the notion that once beaten twice shy comes to play, that no one wants to again, take the risk of investing their all in someone who will later on slap him in the face.

One of the consequences of biting fingers that once fed you or are still feeding you is the tendency to take extreme decisions like the ones taken by Peters. You may not realise that you are being ungrateful towards somebody who has been a source of hope to you, but you can also avoid it entirely.

It is not a difficult thing to express gratitude. You may not be able to reciprocate in the same measure as you have received, but there are simple and very convenient gestures you could show which will tell anyone that you are grateful for what you have received. Also, it doesn’t necessarily have to be your benefactor alone who receives these kind gestures. As you have received, you too could do same unto others.

Remember that no one owes you anything let alone one who is not your father or mother. People who have helped you did it as a matter of choice not obligation. So the least you can do is not abuse the privileges you have received.

There is no hard and fast rule or mystery about becoming somebody who has imbibed attribute of gratitude. Start by thinking gratitude, speak gratitude and act grateful. If you make these three a part of your routine, you will discover that you will appreciate the little kindness people extend to you.