Don’t let your kindness be taken for weakness

Friends are a part of our lives and once in a while we oblige them favours, after all “I’m just five months old in marriage and my friend of two years called to let me know if she could crash in my matrimonial home for two days. I discussed with my husband and he agreed. […]

Friends are a part of our lives and once in a while we oblige them favours, after all “I’m just five months old in marriage and my friend of two years called to let me know if she could crash in my matrimonial home for two days. I discussed with my husband and he agreed. Days later she called requesting that she wants to extend her stay to a week and that she was coming with a friend. I objected to her friend coming because I didn’t know her. She has called and sent several texts explaining that her friend is a nice lady but I have told her that she is free to come but not her friend. She sends a text the next day to say I’m too self-centred. What wrong have I done or is it wrong for me to protect my marriage? I have heard so many negative things friends do to husbands?”
Chinonye John, 37-year-old civil servant, advises that every woman guards her territory jealously. “Husband snatchers are on the loose, guard your territory jealously. No woman should let loose her guards when it comes to friends and husbands, we have heard cases of husbands and sisters or even maids, so what gives you the assurance that nothing can happened between a friend and our husbands?  I’ll advice she shines her eyes, the marriage is young and many people might be envious of the wedding. Don’t give room for failure in your marriage.”
Azuka Henry, 36-year-old caterer, says it all boils down to wisdom. “Ten women cannot snatch my man but all the same it is not about insecurity, it is about wisdom. In the first place, why isn’t her friend paying for a hotel room, they are just newly-weds and need all the alone time they can get. Choosing to stay in her friend’s home and wanting to bring another stranger with her is the highest level of disrespect for her friend and her marriage. Wisdom in this case means no.”
Kemi Tobi, 35-year-old teacher, narrates her experience, “A similar situation happened in my Church sometime back; I took pity on the girl and my husband agreed we let her spend the night in our home. Alas, the next day, she started bringing her things into the house and even brought her kid along. I had to stand my ground and told her we just took pity on her for the night because she was stranded. My advice is that if you want peace, you give her some money to add to what she has to get a hotel room.”
Dayo Lekan, 35-year-old accountant, opines that women just make a fuss over nothing. “Why do women draw conclusions on everything. They are just killing themselves over nothing. We still have responsible men with dignity, likewise women. No woman will agree that all women are the same; they will always say they are different in their own ways. I will just advise her to do what she feels is good for her home but she should not draw up conclusions at the slightest thought.”
Marriage counselor Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi says “The lady in question is already a wise woman. This is not just a marriage thing, it’s about discipline. Accommodating your friend is very okay since it’s for a short while and for a good reason however she has no right whatsoever to bring another person. You cannot give what you don’t have. She can’t be generous to another person with what does not belong to her. I am glad you were assertive; it will save you future trouble. If she insists or wants to feel bad about it stand your ground. She should not even have asked for her friend to be accommodated, everyone knows how it works. It’s your matrimonial home and you have to guard it by all means. Let your decision stand. It doesn’t even matter if your husband doesn’t mind the two of them staying at your house; as the woman of the house, please stand your grounds.”