Drawing the line between indulgence and love

It is common to see children take advantage of the luxuries their parents provide for them at home and often have no clue of what life is outside their comfort zones and so with their little understanding, the children expect that they should continue to live in luxury till eternity. “I have a problem with […]

It is common to see children take advantage of the luxuries their parents provide for them at home and often have no clue of what life is outside their comfort zones and so with their little understanding, the children expect that they should continue to live in luxury till eternity.
“I have a problem with my teenage daughter concerning the exorbitant life she tends to live. As an only child I made sure I afforded her the luxuries of life so that she doesn’t feel lonely. But it’s becoming a problem for me and I think a bigger problem for her future. I am thinking of sending her off to a less privileged home to make her see the difference and understand life,” Mrs. Bukky Ade (Not real name) explains her predicament.
There is a dire need to teach children adjustments and compromises, says Mrs. Maryanne Charles, in reaction to Bukky’s dilemma. The 39-year-old economist advises that: “Teach them words like adjustments, compromise and giving in. Teach them that there are others who could be better than them. If you don’t get it right now, it will affect her later. Get her involved in home chores, only then will she realise that there is more to life than she really anticipated.”
On the other hand, Charles Dickson, a 40-year-old media consultant advises Bukky that: “They say the truth hurts but it must be told. Sometimes, we nurture these kids to the point of regret and complaint. Parents are to be blamed partially for children believing life is just about the luxury. It’s not everything that we have to give to our children when they ask. Let them work for their allowances, better still, deny them the luxuries for a while so they can see the other side of life. Needs are important.”
For Maryam Hassan, a 38-year-old educationist: “There is need for parents to change their parenting skills. We shouldn’t think giving children everything is the best for them, they will never see the other side of life. Once in a while, go on charity donations, visit orphanages or juvenile camps with her and let her see the other side.”
Thirty-nine-year-old banker, Amal Ibarhim, draws on her personal experience and advises Bukky that: “I and my siblings were raised in a home where we never lacked but we were constantly reminded that it wasn’t an easy world out there. We were taught to save up for the raining day because the only constant thing in life is change and our situation could change at any time. It is not too late to start instilling these values in children. She needs to learn responsibility, appreciation and discipline. Sending her away to a less luxurious place will not help.”
Marriage counsellor, Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi, sums it all up, saying that: “As parents there is the possibility of being unable to draw a line between over indulgence, pampering and love. We can pamper our children but be mindful not to go overboard while at it. You can’t cast pearls in front of a swine they won’t appreciate. So is it with things you don’t work for it. There are so many ways you can teach your child to know that others lack what they have. Go with her to places that are not as luxurious as where you live. Let her have first-hand experience of what people lack. Let her know that not everyone is born with a silver spoon.”