Eat your heart out APC, GEJ is working!
The impostor is dynamic, responsive, calm, collected, diplomatically proactive, and even hyperactive. The old guy, the one who doesn’t give a damn is on holiday. The new guy does things differently. Yes, he still unwittingly flicks naked light over combustive kegs of religious tension, but pardon him for he does not know that explosion causes […]
The impostor is dynamic, responsive, calm, collected, diplomatically proactive, and even hyperactive.
The old guy, the one who doesn’t give a damn is on holiday. The new guy does things differently. Yes, he still unwittingly flicks naked light over combustive kegs of religious tension, but pardon him for he does not know that explosion causes third degree burns.
While the old one didn’t give a damn about corruption, the new one says a second term would see him putting on an iron shirt and armour to tackle the monster. The old one didn’t quite believe that Chibok girls are missing; the new guy has confessed on tape that he under-estimated Boko Haram. Heh, no apology for that under-estimation that is responsible for the deaths of 15000 disposable citizens. But wait, with several weeks more to D-Day things might change. Never underestimate the capacity of a bad suitor to bow, bend, lie or stoop before any of Buhari’s famous 150 cows just to satisfy his cravings for the daily ration of diary or meat.
The new President Jones is not sitting in the inner room sampling shekpe or paraga while the nation battles unmitigated darkness. No. He was in Lagos commissioning the refurbished Egbin Power Plant. Okay haters, we know he didn’t initiate it, he finishiates it. The Yoruba have a saying – k’okunrin r’ejo, k’obinrin pa, k’ejo saa ma ti salo – a man’s valour is not diminished because he raised the alarm over a snake that his wife killed.
And while we are with the Yoruba, Lagosians have almost forgotten that there was a liaison office in Marina. Well, if only through executhief-induced go-slow they now know when the new man is in town. That may be a big headache for Raji Fashola who appointed himself the road marshal bullying ministerial convoys and using civilian right of arrest on uniformed army officials violating his BRT lanes; let’s see if he can intimidate the repackaged C-in-C if he decides to use the lanes for executhief commute. The new President Jones talks with lip-synching passion about ‘my office in Marina’. Lobatan!
Yes a real commander in chief has taken over from the comedian in chief that appeared grounded in Abuja. The former guy only expresses happiness when flying to international conferences where he gets a holy handshake with the movers and shakers knowing he won’t be infected with their virus of dynamism. Under heavy pounding, Boko boys are shitting in their pants and reportedly using Alamieyeseigha disguise to escape justice. Check who has visited Borno state twice. Check who has toned down his belligerent rhetoric against the Americans. Check who now calls them friend after cancelling their security pact. Check who thinks American boots should be on the ground in the fight against Boko. By the way, if Boko takes to the seas, the new C-in-C will take the fight to them there. We have commissioned refurbished warships with unprecedented fanfare.
The Yoruba – the celebrated kaaro oojiire have inched up on the scale of socio-political relevance since the son they love to hate, the Wizard of Ota left the Rock. By the way, no belligerence towards him who is now President Jones’ godfather – that’s political diplomacy at its best. Everybody is saying how much their votes matter for anyone to make it to the Rock. And don’t let the opposition deceive you, just ask any ruining party Chihuahua; that decision to take a Yoruba pastor, one with ties to the great sage, Obafemi Awolowo is said to be a magnet that suck up votes. Well, conventional wisdom is that Yoruba do not live in the past. So, check the Obas, Yoruba leaders of thought and rebels who recently drank Coke and Swan water in Marina. They are estimated to be worth about 50 million in electoral bloc votes. Any Yoruba Oba that fails to deliver his bloc votes should get ready to sigba iwa or commit hara-kiri.
In times like this, the rest of us from fringe ethnic groups are on our own. Like the pastors and imams of hundreds – we don’t get to drink from presidential fountains or to take part in sharing the billions that shakes hands. If, instead of being born a major tribe you came as Wokun-je, Etulo, Kakanda, Oworo etc, your surname is Lagbaja meaning – nothing for you. However, do not despair, just like a suitor has sweet words for the love of his life until he has won her heart then substitutes excuses for flowers, this dynamism would not last longer than May ending. The rate at which we are commissioning completed and phantom projects, there would be nothing left to launch for the four succeeding years except to re-commission what has been fake-commissioned.