Empathy can go a long way
Have you ever wondered why people look down on single mothers or women who decide to leave abusive marriages? Have we ever considered that there may be a reason why these women decided to take the ‘out option’ in their marriages? So, what gives you the right to judge them? Mary Opara, 41-year-old nurse, says […]
Have you ever wondered why people look down on single mothers or women who decide to leave abusive marriages? Have we ever considered that there may be a reason why these women decided to take the ‘out option’ in their marriages? So, what gives you the right to judge them?
Mary Opara, 41-year-old nurse, says “That you have a blissful marriage and stable home doesn’t make you better or wiser. I have had situations where I told someone people off because they believed single mothers, separated and divorced women are stupid for not being as blessed as they are. We can’t all be equal or have equal opportunity, that’s just not possible. There is absolutely no reason to look down on a woman who has decided to live her life based on her on terms. Why can’t we be empathic and understand that what we have is only by the grace of God and Him alone?”
Shola Alabi, 38- year-old civil servant, says, “Empathy is the watchword here. It’s not easy to take such decisions. Most times, it’s traumatizing and depressing. People who find themselves in such a situation need our empathy and support and not depressing talks and nauseating attitude. With support, you will notice that they’d begin to pick up with life gradually and even look better than they were before. Be grateful for what you have and pray for others who are not so fortunate, instead of looking down on them. No one wishes anything negative to befall them and when it does, they need to move on.”
Mariam Aliyu, 40-year-old assistant lecturer, says, “It’s rare to see an African women leave her marriage over trivial issues. Most women cherish and tend to even hide whatever troubles they are going through in their marriages from family and friends. They do all they can to protect it and most will resist anything that will make them leave, especially when they have children. They try to remain sane and comport themselves because of their children. So when you see a Nigerian woman who leaves her marriage, there is a ninety-nine percent chance that she did all she could to save the marriage. If you haven’t walked in their shoes, please let them be. If you can’t make them feel better, then make sure not to make it worse.”
Elizabeth Moses, 40-year-old banker, speaking from experience says, “It’s not easy to leave after making so many sacrifices to keep it going, but we had no other option than to take the ‘out option’. If you do all you can to salvage the union and it’s looking like your best isn’t good enough rather it’s messing things up, then that is enough signal to know that it’s over. I used to have the notion that everything starts and ends with being a ‘mrs’ but that notion changed a long time ago, when I almost lost my life. We all have self-worth and should know when we are being rejected.”
You will never know the pain a woman went through before denouncing her matrimonial vows. Women are tough and most times don’t leave at the first challenge. She endures a lot, cries herself to sleep at night, remains strong for her children, family and in-laws and still manages to put up a smiling face.
So, when she leaves, give her a break and some breathing space because it hurts deeply when someone who knows nothing about what she has been through castigates or looks down on her for trying to get her sanity and life back and most importantly, trying to remain alive for those who truly care about her.