Emperor Dumbo writes General Khalifa over Libya bombing

My Dear Field Marshal Khalifa, I hope you are very well. I am writing this in pen since that fugitive Julian Assange has made confidential correspondence impossible. I trust the bearer of this letter not to make a copy and I can count on our friendship it won’t leak.  First of all, I think you […]

My Dear Field Marshal Khalifa,

I hope you are very well. I am writing this in pen since that fugitive Julian Assange has made confidential correspondence impossible. I trust the bearer of this letter not to make a copy and I can count on our friendship it won’t leak.  First of all, I think you are a better General than any that has ever held that title in the history of the Arab world. Nobody knows about great generals and warfare like me.

When you took up the great task of liberating your great country from the claws of UN backed stooges I publicly endorsed your bravery and vowed support for your efforts. You are a compatriot. You have light skin and lived in our country for two decades. It would have been great to meet your great leader and quondam friend, Myanmar Gadaffi. If I had been president I would have brokered peace between you two and stop his assassination. He was a tough guy, tough guy, but not as tough as you. I love tough guys. Under my watch, the Empire could never have endorsed the war in Libya. But Obama did. Obama is responsible for all the trouble that the Empire inherited in the world today.

I heard that your bombs have hit a refugee dump in Tripoli. That is good news. I think you should be commended for having the resilience to save Europe from unwanted migrants. I told Theresa May, and the Queen – oh that very lovely lady. I think you’ll agree that the Queen is a lovely lady. Old; but lovely! If she had been younger, I wouldn’t have had that state visit with Melania – you know what I mean, de hombre a hombre. L.O.L.

For years now, Europe has been swarmed by dirty migrants, (not the clean ones) dirty migrants who envy their educated counterparts. They believe that the Western world needs them. We tried to integrate a few black people from shithole countries into our society and what do we have? Drug barons, addicts, rapists, violent criminals and Internet fraudsters – that’s what we have.

In the city of Chicago alone, one person is shot every hour. Eight years of Obama only gave Chicago criminals a sense of being untouchable. We are turning things around – we’ll make this empire great again, I tell you. We’ll do it even if we have to take civilisation back 300 years.

You, Field Marshal Hafta have stopped lacklustre European governments from fighting each other over who should welcome these unwashed dreamers. One bomb killing 50 migrants is load off the shoulders of the French, Italian and German N-lovers. Those dead migrants would never cross Lampedusa enroute to Europe with the ultimate intention of reaching the Empire. That is a job well done. With your tenacity, the migrant crisis would solve itself. Drop more bombs on more migrants, even the ones crossing the desert.

Why should we have to pay for the jungle that shit hole leadership has unleashed on these unwashed people? Is it our fault that people have mismanaged their natural resources while blaming the West for their backwardness? You have saved Spain from wasting the resources it needs to revive its battered economy. I’m telling you. We don’t want immigrants from anywhere except Europe. They can call us racists. The world needs a scorched earth policy against migration of Africans. The Australians don’t want them, the Chinese only want their resources and Europe should not become poor for its political correctness.

My dear General, keep up the good work, shoot them, bomb them, waste them. If you need more weapons ask us, we’ll drop some for you. Don’t be bothered by those who taunt you with war crime charges. Nobody prosecutes a man with the backing of the Empire – not even God.   Keep up the good work and one day soon you’ll have the control of Tripoli, Benghazi, Sirte and Tobruk. I will personally fly down to shake your hands and drink some camel milk. Truly, I will shake your hands.

You know that Putin is a personal friend. My camaderie with Chairman Kim is blooming and I just made history crossing the no go area. Forget fake news people. I like strong leaders. On the 4th of July, I displayed pure military might. It has never been done in history. In case anybody is thinking we have gone soft with Obama. You are a strong leader.

I have asked my people to assist you in making Libya a migrant hell. I want any dark-skinned migrant thinking of using your country as escape route from shit hole governance to think twice. We shall not even return them in body bags; we shall incinerate them in a hail of bombs. Your slogan should be – Make Libya a Migrant Graveyard!

When Tripoli falls, it shall fall into your hands and we would have a true ally to stop the exodus. The NRA are solidly behind you because your war makes arms business boom again. The Empire salutes you. As Salam aleikum.

Yours truly,

Don the real Dumb