Escape from the top corruption league, so what?

They give a little with the left and take chunks with the right. That is the western world. I was rejoicing over the fact that Naija has broken the jinx of leading the global corruption league for the first time in 16 years. Quondam friends, South Africa has swapped position with Naija, at least this […]

Escape from the top corruption league, so what?

They give a little with the left and take chunks with the right. That is the western world. I was rejoicing over the fact that Naija has broken the jinx of leading the global corruption league for the first time in 16 years. Quondam friends, South Africa has swapped position with Naija, at least this year. Naija has not featured in the first ten. South Africa now leads the sleaze business revealing that apartheid taught them nothing. Those who say that the British left too early should try doing business in Pretoria. 

So who says Sai Baba’s turare is not working? Even the sons of Shimei would now need to pray for Sai Baba’s safe return. The new corruption index is one typical example where being relegated to the bottom of the league is positive news. Sai Baba’s turare works better than President Jones’ Fresh Air! But that’s as good as it goes. The wicked would ask you what has changed in change? This turare did nothing to avert one army general’s wives from buying properties in Dubai while still in office? It neither stopped nor punished the backdoor recruitments of the children of top government officers and their lackeys into lucrative ministries and agencies such as the CBN, NNPC. This repellent did prevent David the grasscutter from taking a chunk of weed extirpation in displaced persons’ camps. This exclusive Shelltox did not deter a member of the green chamber from being suspended when he squealed about the annual budget padding. The behemoths of sleaze somehow find expressways through the eye of the needle of anti-corruption agencies to remain in office. If you doubt me, ask how Bukola Saraki made it!

So, how did the muzungus who collated these things fail to see what we have seen to relegate us into the bottom of the league this year? Were they partially blind, or were they queued so far behind those incredible lines of investors on the visa lane? We would never know how these polls are conducted.

I could have booked the penthouse at any five-star hotel for the change party if someone had not tapped me on the shoulder to announce a bad news worse than being relegated to the bottom league of corruption. Of course, in Naija, bad news go for a dozen a kobo. So, the United Nations has agreed that there are more children out of schools in Naija than anywhere else in the world – including Afghanistan under the Taliban. Mind you, we are still juggling for positions with Afghanistan on polio.

How? Maybe its Malala Yousafzai’s fault! That young lady signals trouble for Naija even after the qualified privilege of pumping the hands of our acting president; she urged Naija to declare a state of emergency on education. What an insolent way to repay government’s gari and egunsi that after her declaration, the UN has tagged us the global capital of juvenile analphabetism. 

Who is squealing on us? Did they not know that Justice John Tsoho has finally declared that intelligence is no respecter of cut-off marks? Somebody must have told them that Kogi schools were at one time closed for years because its teachers were not paid. 

It must be the PDP and I suggest we counter the narrative by exposing how much the PDP spent on nomadic education before the UN give President Jones the tray of achievement in education especially in the north. His supporters insist the plaque had been made before the exit of Ban Ki Moon. President Jones, that saviour of the almajirai, who boasted that he had done more for education in Arewaland than Sardauna and all others must be behind this. We must reject this in Jesus’ name and claim that it is not our portion.

Surely, we can’t beat Britain’s Justine Greening but we must be better than Pakistan or Afgbanistan, Iraq and Libya – shouldn’t we? If the UN is in doubt as to our commitment to child education, they should check their records. If they do, they would discover that in the week that the first batch of APC governors played pussycat to London to visit the King, a few of them and other Naija elites took time off their busy shopping schedules to attend the graduation of their children from British institutions. 

They include the Amr of Kano and his spiritual counterpart, the Sultan of Sokoto who went with his own governor, Aminu Tambuwal whose government spent N751 million feeding people during the last Ramadan. Before them, Bukola Saraki was in London to see his son graduate and be commissioned into the dynasty. Our own Sai Baba’s son and daughters threw the grandest of all parties ever held in the villa after graduating from London. This is why Britain’s Justin Greening is grinning from ear to ear over Naija’s fallen standard of education. So, where did they get the figure of 10 million out of school children from in Naija? Make una helep me ask them o! Or is London not part of Naija?