Even if you are handsome…

We had to stand in the hotel car park while Tsinin Kusa and Maikahon Karo ran round looking for the hotel manager. He was nowhere to be found. It was more than an hour later that the hotel’s Food and Beverages Manager turned up with the key, saying he forgot to leave it with the […]

We had to stand in the hotel car park while Tsinin Kusa and Maikahon Karo ran round looking for the hotel manager. He was nowhere to be found. It was more than an hour later that the hotel’s Food and Beverages Manager turned up with the key, saying he forgot to leave it with the security the previous night. We later heard that the man was settled by Goshin Bauna’s boys to try to sabotage our meeting.
 Our coordinator from each of the 14 local government areas of Tafki State was present at the meeting. I sat at the head of the table with Alhaji Gohe to my right and Maikaho to my left. The coordinators all sat around the conference table. In addition, we brought the leader of our campaign’s women and youth wings as well as some of our campaign advisers. All around the table there were sweets, kola nuts, water bottles and Five Alive juice packets.
Alhaji Gohe delivered the opening remarks as my campaign’s chairman. He prayed for the success of our meeting, then he shouted, “Tafki State!” All the coordinators shouted back, “Sai Alhaji!” “Tafki State!” “Sai Alhaji!” Gohe then delivered a 30 minute speech. It was very moving. All his experience in politics and business, all his knowledge of Tafki State and its people, all his religious knowledge, his fluency in Hausa and Arabic, his huge store of humorous stories, they all came out in that speech.
Alhaji Gohe said he had retired from politics and had sworn never to come back to it but that he had no choice but to come back when he saw a candidate anointed by God. He said Tafki State has been led all these while by men who do not know their left from their right, but at last Allah has answered their prayers and has sent a man who, in every ministry where he worked, people were crying when it was time for him to leave. He said, “In seven different federal ministries, the workers were crying when they heard that Alhaji was transferred. Crying! You hear that? People were crying! Should we not thank God that we are getting this man free of charge when other people are crying that they lost him?”
Gohe also scratched the coordinators where it is itching. He said unlike other candidates who forget those who campaigned for them as soon as they win, “Alhaji will never do that because even now, he is still giving money regularly to one old woman. You know what she did?  One day when the rain trapped him on his way to primary school, she gave him shelter in her hut. Alhaji never forgot her!” The coordinators were happy to hear that story of loyalty and they clapped and clapped, even though I did not know which woman Alhaji Gohe was talking about.
Maikahon Karo then took over. He said the election is just around the corner. “The barbing has reached advanced stage,” he said. “We have finished with the back of the head and we have finished with the middle of the head. Barbing has now reached the forehead.” He outlined the task before every coordinator. It is to paste posters of our candidate in all nooks and crannies of his local government; set up campaign teams in every ward; mobilise all women, youth, trade and social clubs in their area to support our candidate; monitor the activities of our rivals and report it; and identify the people that we will support to win election as delegates to the state party congress. Maikaho then invited the coordinators to speak one by one.
The first to speak was Kallamu Hadarin Iska, our coordinator for Rafi Local Government. He said, “Your Excellency, you have won this election insha Allahu! The entire people of Rafi have been praying to Allah for you to enter this race because even though they have not seen you with their own eyes, stories of your good deeds have reached every corner of our local government. We are only going to campaign for you because as our parents say, even if you are handsome you must still have your bath.”
Malam Illo alias Duhun Kabari then stood up to talk. He said, “Even though Goshin Bauna is from my local government, we have no problem there at all. Goshin Bauna is very unpopular at home. He is notorious for not attending funerals. It is because he is afraid of death. People in Korama Local Government don’t like him at all. He is mean, he is cruel, he is a coward, he does not fulfil promises, he does not help people, he tells lies and he is a name dropper.” We all laughed and clapped.
Our coordinator in Kwazazzabo Local Government spoke next. We were nervous about Kwazazzabo because it is the governor’s local government but our coordinator told us not to worry at all. Alhaji Aliyu, who is better known as Buzun Maradi said, “When His Excellency came to Kwazazzabo eight years ago to say that he wanted to run for governor, which was the first house that he visited? Go and ask anybody; my house was his first port of call!  I was the one who took him round to introduce him to people and to plead with them to forgive him because in all the years when he was working he hardly visited home. The people listened to me and forgave him but what he did he do in return? As soon as he reached the top, he kicked away the ladder that he used to climb up. That is why our people are now waiting for Alhaji!” 
The chairman of our women’s wing then spoke. Hajiya Dela, better known as Yar Guguwa, has been a key player in Tafki State politics for a decade. We were very lucky to get her because my second wife was her school daughter and had been visiting her over the years. Yar Guguwa had a cold that day so she spoke briefly. She said, “The women of Tafki State have our own way of knowing who is a good man. We look at how you treated your wives, and in the whole Tafki State there is nobody who has treated his wives as well as Alhaji!” In fact, soon after that meeting I sent a Toyota Starlet car to Yar Guguwa.