Executive lawlessness sans limits

Local  government chairmen make deals with himon how much of the change left in his allocation he is allowed to keep. Nevertheless a chairman is an executive chairman. Councilors and House members are ‘honourables’ even if they are fugitives on sabbatical, 419 or drug kingpins. Failure to address a Naija politician in his acquired title […]

Local  government chairmen make deals with himon how much of the change left in his allocation he is allowed to keep. Nevertheless a chairman is an executive chairman. Councilors and House members are ‘honourables’ even if they are fugitives on sabbatical, 419 or drug kingpins.
Failure to address a Naija politician in his acquired title is met with mild or serious repercussions ranging from being tongue-lashed by an acolyte, to being horse whipped by a police constable with his own unique title – ADC. Contractors design Oluwole degrees to append to their empty ego.
In social circles, execu-thieves go to great length to mask their emptiness. Some executhief powers are hangovers of military rule absorbed without scruples.
Long convoys are dis-tinguishing draping of exe-cutive lawlessness outside of sirens. Convoys have no regard for traffic, they ram through them smashing cars and sometimes bones. Acts of hooliganism makes them feel better than the rest of the Joneses. Fuel scarcity respects none but occupants of government house. If scarcity threatens an executhief on a journey, those in queue must sacrifice their sleeplessness for the Oga’s greed. They can grumble in their cars but not loudly.
The Naija executhief is never short of retrogressive ideas. The economy of entire states shut down for environmental sanitation. The supervising governor has never heard of recycling, but he will punish you severely for breaking his curfew. Sickness must also respect sanitation law by not striking on sanitation day, if it breaks that rule, prepare to meet your maker.
What shall we say of mobile courts? They spring up in odd places at the whims of the local emperor. Lawyers don’t operate here; if you wait for them you’ll be in jail before they show up. Prison congestion is not a mobile court’s headache – he sends you there anyway.
It’s been years since el-Rufai promised Abuja 24-hour water supply. The present occupant of his seat is busy chasing away prostitutes and demolishing houses. Water can wait.
Internal deportation is the Internet headlines of the moment. Raji Fashola, a lawyer in government, is on a manhunt for those with potential to spoil his state slogan Ekoonibaje. For that, he  acquired a fleet of  ‘Back to Land’ buses equipped with night vision. They pick you up at night, ‘detoxify  you’ and send you to the nearest state that meets your tribal mark; and if you have none, they send you anywhere.
The special buses have docked in Arewa and Yorubaland. When it crossed Onitsha Bridge, it stirred a hornet’s nest setting Anambra’s wild Internet bees on the rampage. They sting anything, including their own.
Isa Yuguda and Sule Lamido have a special squad that checks Facebook fans. We have no idea if they are rewarded but it is what they do to the heckler that is worth mentioning. When Yuguda found one, he locked him up and when his lawyer showed up, he discovered this was a civil servant. He abandoned the court case and sacked him. Lamido pursued his case to embarrassing level until the accused voluntarily left town for him.
In London, government franchise BBC called Tony Blair a liar over the Iraqi weapons case, yet it wasn’t put off air. In America calling Obama names has not derailed the audacity of hope.
Raji Fashola used to ride Okada to inspect state projects incognito. Today, Okada is a byword in Lagos that named buses after the governor but plies only a fraction of the vast city.
Peter Obi operates a scorched-earth policy against criminals within his Anambra State. Once you’re suspected of being a kidnapper, cultist or ritualist, quickly take the most important implements you have and leave town or find abode under a tree until you have proof that you are guiltless. But while you are at it, forget about your house.
In Anambra, if you are suspected of criminal behaviour, your house goes down while you gather the evidence that you are not guilty. Simply put, in Anambra, you are guilty until the contrary is proven. When the courts pronounce you innocent, you can see if there is still land for you near the Onitsha Bridge. Provided it is Obi doing that to his citizens, it is okay.

POSTSCRIPT
Let me quickly congratulate old Uncle Bob for winning another election in which he is the candidate to beat. Having beaten to submission those who could have challenged him over the years, Zimbabwe should officially find out from him, how he intends to be buried. What more, they should perhaps prepare to bury their country with him, because all those who better qualify to run Zimbabwe have either died or turned their back on Harare.