Finally corn don land

Happy New Year peeps. Of course I know it’s not January 1 but what does it matter. As long as you are not an evil servant working for any of the states which claims to be getting less than they need to foot their worker’s bill you deserve a New Year present in the middle […]

Happy New Year peeps. Of course I know it’s not January 1 but what does it matter. As long as you are not an evil servant working for any of the states which claims to be getting less than they need to foot their worker’s bill you deserve a New Year present in the middle of March. The irrational assembly has passed the 2016 Appropriation Act. What more, it appears at a glance that Sai Baba’s itinerary could accommodate a few minutes to append his signature before his next flight.
Even though the budget is based on a Naira to dollar ratio that is unrealistic and a global crisis in which man proposes and OPEC disposes there are questions that need asking. Although the answers are not required, which versions of the budget was passed? At the last count, there were at least three version of the appropriation bill floating around the Dome. There was one laid on the table for television cameras during one of Sai Baba’s presidential stopovers in Abuja. Later, the Irrational Assembly declared that the copy had been withdrawn through the backdoor. Without any explanation, the same assembly began to call ministries and agencies to defend their expenditure proposals. While doing that, some ministers discovered Jacob’s voice and Esau’s hand in the budget. They swore by the snow on top of Aso Rock that some subheadings did not pass through their official copy typists.
With the thing tending towards the scandalous, Sai Baba sacrificed his O/C Budget and scattered several other officials whose only offense appear to be short sightedness. But we were never told what fiscal antacids were applied to cure the bloating.  Of course prosecuting people would have amounted to an overkill after these palliatives. So, if we were allowed to ask embarrassing questions, one of them would be what happened to the paddings? Did they pass as is or were they excised? If they were surgically removed, would it be in the interest of democracy and precedence to know how the process was done? These questions, of course are all rhetorical – nobody expects answers and where there are no expectations, none are supplied.
It is hoped that now that the budget has been passed and with anticipation of presidential assent, pregnant goats would sire far away from the marauding hyenas. That local contractors are paid since Naija does not have foreign reserves to deal with foreign debts for now. That the sum total of two plus two which moved from four to fourteen would revert itself, in the same manner that the paddings removed themselves without much noise. Let us also hope that the price of gari would not disobey the forces of gravity the way our ages do every birthday.
Above all, let true governance begin to show its rainbow colour and we can forget the change – we would ask for that change when we reach our destination near 2019. The salacious headlines and incredible stories that are never denied nor confirmed have provided us with comic relief, especially since the exit of master novelist Chinua Achebe. His friend, Wole Soyinka who should be penning these issues in satirical dramaturgy is apparently afraid of being maligned as one governor recently attempted to but failed woefully. 
Now that the deadline for ending queues in the country which produces more oil than America could consume has shifted to May, at least let there be assurances that the children of a farmer in Okeagi can compete for a job vacancy in NNPC with those with blue blood. We have been regaled with the story of dollars allegedly buried in soak away pits and exhumed on nights when cameras, even phone cameras were not working, so let us hope to have convictions no matter how little.
We have been told, again through unofficial sources that our new London (i.e. Dubai) where Sai Baba’s turare still works with potency would send back hidden dollars in bullion vans and Cardinal Odigie Oyegun of APC Chapel has assured us that it would pass through appropriate channels to relieve our stress. We can only hope that Okafor’s theory would not apply in this process. For those who do not know, Okafor’s theory of looting has hardly changed in Naija – a loot being repatriated can always be looted again without consequences. It is said that Sai Baba would be making an ‘official’ visit to America soon. We don’t have to remind him to please tell cousin Barrack Obama to reverse his country’s ranking of Naija as the most corrupt country to do business out of sixty nations evaluated this year. The last time it was done under the rule of the swarming and destroying locusts, we were sitting comfortably at number 37. Even President Jones would have sworn that this is advancement. When you have climbed the highest peak, begin to plan the descent. As they say in Newswatch newsroom back in the day -corn don land!