Five books in the face of violence against women

The stories that hit us all between the eye in the past week indicated that rape culture, sexual assault against women and violence against women whether in private or in public still subsists in our society. We are all waiting for someone to pick up the gauntlet and we follow, like much loved singer, Dakolo […]

The stories that hit us all between the eye in the past week indicated that rape culture, sexual assault against women and violence against women whether in private or in public still subsists in our society. We are all waiting for someone to pick up the gauntlet and we follow, like much loved singer, Dakolo and his wife have done in their accusation of Pastor Fatoyinbo of COZA.

We on the other hand sit back and speak unspeakable things to those who have the courage to bail us out of our collective shame. We yell foul, we bad mouth the victim and say oh, the man is a man of God. So shameless, I am sick to my stomach when a society makes an excuse for social deviants, rapists murderers and thieves who should be in jail. Busola Dakolo says Fatoyinbo raped her when she was a teenager and all we can say is the man is anointed by God? Did God give permission to religious leaders to live above the law and take other people’s lives? What did the holy books teach religious? Should we abandon that moral compass because a friend or our Pastor or any other religious leader has been caught in the act? And who are these other uneducated Nigerians who complain that she is bringing the issue too late in the day.

There are rape victims who take thirty years to speak and some never, till they die. The shame is unbearable. Many are suicidal and some resort to easy living to deaden the pain. When you rape someone, you literally take that person s life and destroy it. They hardly cope without support and counselling. I salute the courage of Busola and her husband. It is a difficult road to travel. It is expected that religious institutions ought to have a higher moral standing than the rest of society but some religious leaders are worse than the worst criminals outside of religious institutions and look all holy and well conducted. Busola’s story well told already tells us parents that, that religious leader may be the albatross in your home. When you add this to the Senator’s disgraceful behaviour in the past week, physically assaulting a female shop keeper and displaying such violence and a complete lack of discipline as a citizen and worse still for the position he currently holds. Conduct unbecoming.

In between, we need to pause and ask what is our role in all of this? Do we allow our sons destroy another person’s daughter and pretend we do not understand? Do we go around showing off our young daughters in indecent clothes (Although this is no excuse for rape)? Do we come to the rescue when a woman is being physically attacked or are casual bystanders? Do we form a mass movement against rape or do we say it is not my daughter, not my business?

Do we say ah… stupid shopkeeper? She is challenging a senator and as we worship titles join in the beating or did we try to restrain him while someone is calling the police.  How many broken women are there as a result of someone’s past misdemeanour. What trauma Busola and her family have endured can never be fully understood and the battered shop keeper will need to bring her head out of this unspeakable horror, not just the physical pain but the publicity and the psychological challenge. Ditto Busola. The week has been full of drama. Here are five books to help you make sense of all of it.

1. Scars against humanity; understanding and overcoming violence against women. by Elaine Storkey. This book investigates the different forms of violence against women across the world to include child brides, domestic abuse, female infanticide, rape, honour killings, human trafficking and prostitution. The research and statistics on the various sides of the coin are mind numbing. For example, it is mindboggling to wrap one’s head around the fact that every three seconds a girl somewhere around the world is married off before they are eighteen without their consent. Then they go on to live a miserable life, no esteem, no love in their hearts and bring up children they cannot love. A lot resort to drugs and the vicious cycle throws the world into a turmoil.
2. Scars against humanity; understanding and overcoming violence against women. by Elaine Storkey. This book investigates the different forms of violence against women across the world to include child brides, domestic abuse, female infanticide, rape, honour killings, human trafficking and prostitution. The research and statistics on the various sides of the coin are mind numbing. For example, it is mindboggling to wrap one’s head around the fact that every three seconds a girl somewhere around the world is married off before they are eighteen without their consent. Then they go on to live a miserable life, no esteem, no love in their hearts and bring up children they cannot love. A lot resort to drugs and the vicious cycle throws the world into a turmoil.
3. Against our will, men women and rape. By Susan Brownmuller is a seminal book written in 1975 that is still relevant today. The book described by Time magazine described the book “as a convincing and awesome portrait of men’s cruelty to women.” Brownmuller offers a rigorous and coherent discourse describing it as an act of power, even mass terrorism. She identifies a number of deeply ingrained myths about rape i.e. that it is an act of uncontrollable lust when in fact it is an act of violence and adds that it is wrong to say women invite rape. Her book has been hailed as an important contribution to the discourse on the rape culture. Although there have been criticisms of her treatment of black men in the book but the author says she stands by every word and adds in recent times that the media has contributed immensely to rape culture.
4. Religion and men’s violence against women edited Andy J and Johnson examines the interface between diverse religious cultures and men’s violence against women. This book gives a nuanced understanding and practical guidance needed to address domestic violence, human trafficking and sexual assault in diverse religious communities. The core of the book surveys gender violence and the justification of some people’s actions within their religious environment and the survivors conflicted feeling in their faith. It examines Christianity, Judaism, Islam and the oriental religion in dealing with the subject matter. A worthy read in particularly dealing with religious leaders who ride on their authority positions to rape and defile minors. It also recommends, religious leaders work with mental health practitioners to deal with the issue of rape in religious environments.
5. Men who rape, the psychology of the offender by A. Roth. A comprehensive clinical profile of a rapist to show that they need help and it’s a mental health issue in some instances. It addresses psychological profiling and counselling.