Forgive yourself as you forgive others
Do you find yourself sometimes making statements like, ‘Something really overwhelming has happened and I can’t get it out of my head!’ or ‘I still can’t forgive myself for making such a dreadful and costly mistake that I can’t stop thinking how stupid I was!’ Do you find it easier to justify forgiving others, even […]
Do you find yourself sometimes making statements like, ‘Something really overwhelming has happened and I can’t get it out of my head!’ or ‘I still can’t forgive myself for making such a dreadful and costly mistake that I can’t stop thinking how stupid I was!’ Do you find it easier to justify forgiving others, even for a murderous crime but still cannot understand why you need to forgive yourself for a lesser crime? If you do, you are holding yourself up in an absolutely unnecessary bondage of self-unforgiveness, when you should have let go sooner.
When we talk about forgiveness, most times it is not associated with oneself. Forgiveness for some of us is meant for others and not ourselves. We prefer to forgive others and hold ourselves more accountable and take all the blame. Just as cases arise where someone needs to ask your forgiveness or you need to say I forgive you, it is okay; there are also cases where you need to say to yourself, ‘I forgive me, it’s okay and it’s time to move on.’
There are times when we are faced with situations that provoke such comments from us and even after the heat has died down, we are still wallowing in the misery of it all and saying had I known, or wishing things happened differently. Sometimes they are things we do that affect other people who have forgiven us and gone on with their lives. Other times they are issues which we allow but later have a negative repercussion. We find it easier to forgive other people involved but conveniently carry on the guilt of not preventing things from turning out the way they eventually did.
But for us, we are still getting over worked and putting ourselves through unnecessary torture. The truth is, as much as you are willing to or find it easy to forgive others when they wrong you, you should be able to apply the same principle to yourself. It is wrong carry around guilt and pain over a circumstance that has in many cases been dealt with and long forgotten. It is like having a festering wound and probably making it fester more and deliberately avoiding the revitalisation that it needs, to heal.
Carrying on such a burden never helps you resolve the hurt or guilt. It only provokes self-destructive behaviours which could extend to others around you. Without realising it, you may be distant from people around you and always defensive. It is not at all a good feeling to be in a state of self-unforgiveness.
It also keeps you pathetically wanting to get even and seeking revenge toward yourself. The anger which emanates from this is one that could bring about self-hatred and a lot of self-blaming. In such a state you are not likely to feel positive about yourself, which encourages non-growth oriented behaviour. You are just stagnant, pessimist and refusing to carry on while leaving with the fear of making new mistakes or of having the past ones exposed.
Before you know it a combination of all these factors, will bring about an unjustified sense of rejectionl, low self-esteem and self-worth.
If you are in such a situation, no matter how grave the subject is, begin to come to terms with the fact that as a human being you have faults and can make mistakes. You then need to let go of any self-anger due to past failures and self-disappointments because you do not need the penance, regret, or sorrow over a self-inflicted personal offense.
In order to be able to forgive yourself you need to apply new principles to your life. While in the course of forgiving yourself, you should develop some self-love after admitting your failure or misdeed. This will make you stop working hard to make up for the errors and also help to calm self-rejection and gently erase any feeling of failure and gradually lighten guilt.
Purge yourself of the pain you feel and begin to trust in your self and welcoming new growth as well as be willing to take another risk. Start to trust in yourself once again and in your ability to do what is right.
It is important for you to get rid of the bitterness out of your system. An easy way to do this is through dialogue. Talk to someone you trust and who you know will be of support to you. You could also sit by yourself and rationalise things out. In a clear state of mind and with a level head, things will be a lot clearer to you and the way you initially reacted to them.
The reason why bitterness grows within us to is because we do not overlook small setbacks. We dwell on issues and magnify them and before we know it, something that was an insignificant mole hill becomes an enormous mountain. Let go, pick yourself up and get on the path of immediate and quick recovery.