Give First!

I have this smart politician friend who has mastered the game of political connections. He has a very simple strategy of gaining the favours of influential people. I find his practical method to be ingenious. Before I give you a play by play of what he does, let me share a bad example of how to […]

I have this smart politician friend who has mastered the game of political connections. He has a very simple strategy of gaining the favours of influential people. I find his practical method to be ingenious. Before I give you a play by play of what he does, let me share a bad example of how to build connections. 

When my book “The Social Science of Muhammad (SAW)” came out in 2020, it received a lot of favourable reviews from readers of all kinds including Christians. Which was surprising, considering the subject of the book. 

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Accordingly, one of the many messages of commendations  I received was from a group of academics from a federal university who wanted to translate the book into Hausa. “How would this work?” I asked them. I was going to pay them per page they said. 

So I realized that they were not interested in my book but in a job. Which means that they wanted me to do them a favour. Which is okay. But they didn’t make it easy for me to grant the favour. 

The best way to get what you want is to give first. So how could this group of academics have done it better? I will tell you that shortly. In the meantime, let’s go back to my friend, the politician. 

As an elected official, he intentionally desired to build a vast network of connections of influencers. So that he would have access to favours on tap. That is, whenever he wanted to help his constituents, he would know where to call. 

This is how he explained his process to me:

He would look for two leaders – whether political leaders or heads of government agencies. The next step in his strategy is to figure out how the two leaders can benefit each other. An example will make it clear. 

If, for instance, one of the agencies is recruiting (especially if it is a so-called juicy place to work), he would go to the head of another agency and ask “don’t you have brothers who want to work in XYZ?” If he says he has, he would then say “I understand that your agency is building ABC in villages around the country. Why don’t you take one to the village of Mr D, the head of that parastatal? If he agrees, then my friend would go to Mr D, the head of the other agency and say “Mr E told me that he wants to build ABC in your village. To appreciate him, you should recruit his village people.”

So Mr D readily agrees. 

Now both of them have done each other a favour. But the genius of this arrangement is that both of the leaders are now indebted to my friend. Neat!

Did you notice that my friend didn’t ask anything for himself? Instead, he gave. He gave by way of the introduction of two leaders. He gave by getting them to give to each other. And he gave by offering them opportunities to help their people in the villages. Which is a win-win-win. The third win is for the village people.

So even if you don’t have anything, you can still give. My friend gave from nothing. He gave from thin air. 

Even without my friend asking them, they would want to reciprocate. As Robert Cialdini argues in his classic book “Influence,” reciprocity is one of six principles of influence because”human beings are wired to return favours and pay back debts.”

So what should the book translators have given me before asking me to buy their service? They could have reviewed the book in Hausa and shared it with their audience. Every author likes that because it is “social proof” – another principle of influence. The principle of social proof says that if your potential customers see that others have already purchased your product, they would also want to do the same. 

Furthermore, they already have the skill, so it would cost them nothing – 20 minutes tops. Or they could have translated one chapter and shared it with me. If I liked it, I could have asked for more.

If you want to ask someone for a favour – especially a busy person – give first. 

PS: When I shared the story of the translators with members of Prof. Brainy group on WhatsApp, Khalid Imam, one of the famous writers of Kano, said that he would translate the book for free. Now, that is giving first!