Godfather, pigs and clowns at the circus

The national circus is on free national tour. Whenever the beauty of an organized society tempts me to give up on Naija, I console myself by asking what life would be like without the national circus? There are two ways of answering that. First, it would be quite boring but the flip side is maybe, […]

The national circus is on free national tour. Whenever the beauty of an organized society tempts me to give up on Naija, I console myself by asking what life would be like without the national circus? There are two ways of answering that. First, it would be quite boring but the flip side is maybe, just maybe our country would be a better place to live in. In other corners of the globe where things run differently, people find other things to break the drudgery of life. These days, indolence has forced me to buy into things I’d almost given up on. Although I never waste my money on gambling, this month, I went to a casino. I had great company, a good meal and capped it with a privileged adrenaline raising limousine horse ride. This week, I took a boat tour of a substantial chunk of the 1,280-kilometre Ottawa River with chattering tourists.
As we watched in amazement on the Rideau Canal Locks, down on Ottawa’s Parliament Hill, politics was in full swing unmindful that the Canadian dollar has lost its parity with its US counterpart. Canadians are trying to make a choice between a dictatorial prime minister’s party and others including one that plunged the Ontario region into $300 billion hole. Things can be that simple.
As they say, nothing dey happen in Naija. Our new sheriff is compiling the list of his achievements for the first 100 days but his ardent supporters are counting their blessings and naming them one by one. There are claims that goats no longer eat yams although we have no concrete evidence of that. Power generation we hear, nears its peak above 4,000 megawatts and let the non indigenous reader not laugh but a huge chunk of the elite are buying petrol at the controlled price as refineries are said to be working again. The poor are deforesting because kerosene is beyond their reach. Small mercies such as ministries reducing the numbers of slackers to an international water conference and a vice president’s wife flying air molue are on the count.
Government is running on the integrity of an individual. It has no scribe, no ministers and a few advisers thus far. Depending on whom you ask, there have been nepotistic appointments but we are careful not to be mobbed for calling them that. Never openly criticize the people’s messiah; they will do that like brides do after the honeymoon is over. New foxes are said to be protecting yam barns against marauding goats. There are a thousand gragra on catching goats but so far, only one high profile prosecution has gone to court.
Fans swear by the cows in Daura that gragra has stabilized the economy. Those with money in their accounts are no longer at will to use them as they wish and banks no longer accept dollar deposits. Although some highbrow shops still mock the national currency by displaying their wares in dollars, posh Maitama and Asokoro landlords continue to denominate their rents in dollars. The economic forecasted by the guys who know predicts doom and gloom ahead but that has not stopped the wild jubilation in the camp. The jubilant have chosen what satiates their taste buds and it shall not be denied them.
The circus is on the move. There is only one party in town and its grand patron is a man with the reincarnated soul of the strong man of Ibadan or Amala politics except that the headquarters is in Lagos. The Godfather in Mario Puzo’s classic does nothing for altruistic purposes. He installs and dethrones at will anyone who fails to give him his due. In the days of Adedibu, Ibadan advertised its poverty in the wanton display of its rusty rooftops, but never fail to bow to the eternal wisdom of their uncrowned garrison commander.
Yes, our party bows to the wisdom of the reincarnated Adedibu. Nobody is anything without his blessing. If you hurt him, go back and make peace or end up in political Siberia where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. Those who dared saw the files of their misdemeanour raking murk in the media. They range from websites challenging Zuckerberg to borehole vouchers that could irrigate a whole state. Things went on until the Godfather blew the final whistle. Whosoever’s sins the Godfather forgives is written off. He whom the Godfather has set free is free indeed and may even be compensated with a political appointment.
The circus is never complete without variegated diversions where you leave the lumber in your eyes and gloat over the matchstick in another’s. A governor who acquires debts for unborn babies, owe workers and pensioners is busy running his mouth and throwing verbal stones at accredited touts and imaginary enemies. Let’s give it to the come-raid whose tenure would never be probed – this is part of what happens when the national circus is on the move – how can anyone miss that?