Gov-elect cannot sit down to eat

His wives had planned a big party and invited musicians from all over Tafki State to come and perform in front of their house but Barmu stopped the party, saying things are still brewing underground. Since then he has been running helter skelter asking every important community and religious leader in the state to plead […]

His wives had planned a big party and invited musicians from all over Tafki State to come and perform in front of their house but Barmu stopped the party, saying things are still brewing underground. Since then he has been running helter skelter asking every important community and religious leader in the state to plead with me to concede. The day he heard that two SANs were seen in my house, people said he almost fell down from his chair. He is so afraid of what will happen when I go to the election petition tribunal. He is like the chick who cannot find a place to sit down and eat his food.
Obviously at Barmu’s prompting, the Tafki Council of Elders sent a strong delegation to plead with me to concede to Barmu in order to give peace a chance. Another delegation of Muslim clerics also came, saying I should accept the will of God and concede. Maikahon Karo arrived at my house just when their leader was speaking and he promptly jumped into the discussion saying, “Accept the will of God or accept rigging? Who told you that Barmu won the election? Do you know the mago mago that that professor who calls himself returning officer did? You people are saying Alhaji should accept the will of God; is it God that said election should be rigged?”
Many other groups also came to plead with me to concede. There was a delegation of civil society groups. I suspect they were the ones that sneaked to my house and gave my orderly a piece of paper containing Barmu Dakatsalle’s phone number, that I should call him and concede. Another group of trade unionists also came, as did a group calling themselves Housewives for Peace in Tafki State. They were led by one very old woman. As soon as they came into my living room, about 30 of them, they all knelt down and started saying in unison, “Please Alhaji, phone Barmu and concede so that we will have peace in Tafki State.” Tsinin Kusa was there that day and he said, “Stand up, you old women! Who sent you? Is it not Barmu’s wife that sent you here to plead with Alhaji? That bus that brought you here, I know it. Barmu’s wife bought it recently from her mechanic!”
When he saw that his hired delegations were making no headway, Barmu decided to come to my house himself. He arrived unannounced at midnight together with the GSL party chairman and Barmu’s close friend Ali Karatsaye. I know Ali Karatsaye very well; he and Barmu were small time contractors in Abuja and they used to come to my office together. Barmu and his companions were stopped at the gate and a message was brought to me that someone who says he is the Governor-elect was here to see me. I said, “Go and tell him there is no Governor-elect in this town until the tribunal finishes its work.” Since his declaration as Governor-elect Barmu now has four Mopols attached to him; they were the ones that pushed my maiguard aside and he entered my house.
I was sitting alone in the living room watching television when they sauntered in. As soon as they came into my living room Barmu came straight at me, grinning broadly and said, “Alhaji, since you refused to phone me and concede, I am here myself to receive your concession. Maybe you didn’t phone because you have no credit in your phone. After all this campaign, I know you can run out of money to buy credit. Since I am here you can now concede to me face to face, then we can tell the people of Tafki State that Alhaji has conceded to his old friend. Afterall, I have been your boy and your friend for a long time. In fact we nearly became in-laws; remember that I wanted to marry your sister that time but you said you had already given her away to somebody. Even now if you have another sister I don’t mind adding since I still have one vacancy.”
I said, “Look here Barmu, don’t bring to me all those Charlie Charlie jokes. I don’t have any sister to give you and I am not going to concede to you whether by phone, by fax, by email, by post or by courier. You know that you and GSL betrayed me. We had an agreement but you abandoned it after your party won the presidential election. You must be punished for that. You know you have many skeletons in your cupboard. Your educational certificate is dubious. You were once indicted by an investigative panel for collecting money and failing to execute a contract. You owe money to many banks and your name is even at EFCC. That your running mate was once dismissed from a local government because he collected payment twice with the same receipt. So how can I concede to you with all these skeletons in your cupboard? Each one of them can disqualify you.”
I expected to see fright on Barmu’s face but he laughed hilariously and said, “Alhaji, you and I have been together since when we were walking about this neighbourhood without pants. Is this what you want to do to your childhood friend, to go and start revealing my secrets? What if I also reveal your secrets? All the contracts that you inflated when you were a director, was it not my company’s letter headed paper that you were using? I don’t think it is good for the two of us to start revealing each other’s secrets.”
At that stage the state chairman of GSL interjected. He said, “Alhaji, no one can come between you and His Excellency the Governor-elect. You grew up together and even in Abuja you were doing your things together so no one can come in-between the two of you. Alhaji, listen to me very carefully. If you take your friend to the tribunal it is only to the advantage of lawyers and judges. A lawyer will eat from your pocket and a lawyer will eat from Governor-elect’s pocket. The tribunal chairman and members will also eat from both of you. Policemen will eat, Malams will eat and witchdoctors will also eat. My proposal is this. Pick up your phone now and phone him, even though you are sitting together on the same settee. Then when he is forming his cabinet he will make you the Secretary to the State Government with a promise to hand over to you when he finishes his second term.”