Governance is a joke, so what?

I am grateful that people interpret change differently. While Sai Baba interprets change in terms of austerity in governance, power mongers continue in their old ways. In Naija, power sounds as monosyllabic as it spells but packs the punch of an atomic bomb is in the hands of the beholder. That is why once in […]

I am grateful that people interpret change differently. While Sai Baba interprets change in terms of austerity in governance, power mongers continue in their old ways. In Naija, power sounds as monosyllabic as it spells but packs the punch of an atomic bomb is in the hands of the beholder. That is why once in power always powerful.
I was only a kid when Yakubu Gowon made David Bamigboye my state governor. Those were the days when power had both meaning and colour. You cancelled all travels on the day the governor was on the road. You were privileged to stand at attention when the convoy passed, waving homemade green-white-green paper flags – symbol of your patriotism. If I ever got power, I would restore its hue and panache not demean it. I would drive through my opponent’s street with four outriders just to remind them never to contest against me – ever.
Things have changed, Sai Baba issued a statement (or did he) saying his convoy would stop at traffic lights like ordinary people who eat through their mouths and defecate through their anus. How could any serious leader reduce power to such a pedantic level? Before the Third Term blew on his face like a detonated land mine, the Ebora of Owu toyed with populism. Once along the International Conference Centre, a man who tried to block his convoy was arrested and successfully prosecuted. Long before he remembered February 13 then reinstated the forgotten concept of Road Closed for his subsequent outings. By the time he left government, roads could be closed hours before he woke from bed. Now, that is power!
Ordinary folks wake up early to catch up with appointments; the powerful enjoy their sleep knowing that their siren immunity can cut through any traffic better than a hot knife slashing through mai shanu. If I lie, ask Godswill Akpabio who was recently promoted Minority Leader of the sinnate. In America, which knows nothing about ranking sinators, Akpabio would be catching an early bird taxi to the airport if he wanted to beat traffic but last Monday, but he narrowly missed his flight and the contest of taking the title of Calamity Governor from alaWada Idris of Kogi State. He benignly missed despatching a nameless citizen to the mortuary.
By the time you’re reading this, I expect Akpabio to have flown to Bonn for proper check up, because Bonn should be nearer to him than Uyo where be built a state-of-the-art hospital attached to the rats and rodents Olympic stadium with eminently qualified veterinarians. Sai Baba can be mouthing his change to his die-hard supporters one of who, in spite of being garlanded with multi-million Naira corruption charges invoked the spirit of parapoism to clinch the coveted ticket to return to Lokoja.
Calamity Idris the incumbent governor whose convoy must be avoided by any road user still interested in enjoying Lokoja’s famous roadside engine-oil fried chips and fish has more serious things to worry about than Akpabio taking his title. Idris may have to divert budgetary allocations to invoke prayer and fasting contractors if he is to avoid being swept over by hurricane Audu. Kogi voters want change and they are set to get the kind of change that you show a child when you perform magic using both sides of the same coin. Those who hold contrary opinion to duplicitous change dare not voice it, an army of circus clowns is waiting to unleash criticism mayhem. Sai Baba’s change cruises in limousines enveloped by bodyguards baking in their slave uniform as they try to outrun a moving car. It is called security.
In Ekiti, Digbolugi Ayo Fayose is at his clowning best with a few lessons from Adams Oshiomole. When Adams wanted to weed out fake teachers, he set up a committee, but could not resist the temptation of being outshone, so he became a member. His encounter with one of the illiterate teachers has grossed thousands of views on YouTube. Fayose’s medal as the most outrageous governor is incontestable.
Feeling quite indolent on the first day of last week, he remembered the duty of the village headmaster and immediately drove to the state secretariat to catch late comers. Unwary slackers prostrated before their master, who apparently hadn’t taken his fix that morning and allowed them get off lightly without flogging. Not done with the days tomfoolery, he rode triumphantly in a truck to inspect what Raji Rasaki would have called gada – drainage construction to wild applause. Fayose’s psychiatrists are getting results, apparently mitigating his septuagephobia, from placing advanced obituaries; he has found one septuagenarian worthy of being anointed local government chairman. His detractors call the appointee an illiterate, a term that is practically misplaced since carpenters need to mark, measure, cut and nail wood to succeed in their trade?
This is summary of governance Nigeriana. Its a joke! So what? We’re 55 and spectators of the circus.
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