Grave concerns and appreciation

How time flies and waits for no one! From Maiduguri, commiserating with me on the death of my darling wife, Hamdalat Abiodun Abiye Aremu, Zainaib Bala Muhammed, the widow of my dear friend Dr. Jubril Bala disclosed that it was 14 years the tragic news hit us as thunderbolt. In similar vein, I recall that […]

How time flies and waits for no one! From Maiduguri, commiserating with me on the death of my darling wife, Hamdalat Abiodun Abiye Aremu, Zainaib Bala Muhammed, the widow of my dear friend Dr. Jubril Bala disclosed that it was 14 years the tragic news hit us as thunderbolt. In similar vein, I recall that my late dear comrade Abdulrahaman Black Masa, died on January 27th Tuesday 2004 in Lagos without notice of illness. Just like yesterday yet it is now 8 years. These tragic memories came to life, because it was the last time yours truly did a reflection entitled Grave Concerns in a terse tribute to the serial departure of my  comrades that also included Abubakar Jika of Bayero University, Kano and late Chris Abashi. Death has long been likened to robbery whose impact denies us our valuables. Never before has this emotional comparison had an appeal until the deaths in quick succession of comrades Dr Bala Muhammed Abdulrahman Black Masa and Chris Abashi. That singular reflection was an expression of total grief given my closeness to these comrades.
Myself, late Dr. Jubril Bala, a lecturer at Department of Communication,
University of Maiduguri who died in a motor-accident on his way back to Maiduguri, Chom Bagu and Lamis Dikko were ABU School of Basic students (Basico) 77/78  who fell victims among others, of the prevailing ABU authoritarianism in 1981 in our final years on account of our students’ activism.  Chris Abashi was an activist compatriot and 1982 President of National Association of Nigeria Students (NANS), who eventually became the Chairman of Nassarawa Eggon Local Government Council where he applied theory of change to transform a hitherto backward council. He was also ANPP deputy gubernatorial candidate. If the reflection on my departed comrades was a tough one, then a reflection on my late mother and wife who died in quick succession in recent times is better imagined. I have made known the ‘Take
aways from my mother’  (Daily Trust Nov 8 2015 8:23) in tribute to my  mother, Hadjia Afusatu Amoke Aremu who (praise to Alllah) died Thursday 24th of September 2015 at 91, (which paradoxically was also the day of EID Mubarrak!) She was buried on Friday, 25th of September after the Janazat.
My wife’s death in relative quick succession is additional loss too heavy and quick to bear. We take eternal solace in the Quranic injunction; Innaa lillahi wa ‘inna ‘ilayhi raaji’oon. Tuesday 22nd of December, 2015, which was the 4th day Safar-Rabi Al-Awaal 1437 A.H. (1437) of the Islamic calendar was the 51st birthday of my wife.  Again Glory to Allah, as He has designed it; It was also the 8th day Fidahu for her. Yours comradely was away in Geneva. By 4pm I received the sad news of her emergency state and death almost simultaneously.
My darling Hajia Hamdalat Abiodun Aremu is an iconic symbol of the extended Ajisegiri/Aremu family. My mother (her mother-in-law), gave her the title “Iya Aremu” because of the caring and loving way she handled the entire family. In our home after Allah she was a selfless unifier, problem solver, hard-worker, adviser, mentor and above everything else she was a mother to all. My mother actually had her last breath on her caring hands.
The impact of Iya Aremu’s death is therefore better imagined. While we grieved the death of my mother at 90 years on Sallah Day, my wife singularly comforted and restrained, reminding me of long life well spent by my mother. Who then comforts us after her own death at a relatively younger age? I and the children (Almighty Allah bless us with) dare to take solace in the bagful of her globally acknowledged good deeds. The last few of these deeds are still fresh in my grieved mind. I bear witness that my wife died at her brother’s place in Badagry on brief holiday with brother Dr Ayodeji Ajisegiri who is also a friend and her sister Amina who we pray that Allah restores her health.
She had earlier been with her 89 years old lovely Daddy, Alhaji Abdul Lamid
Ajisegiri who at least she spoke with twice a day. Her solidarity with closed and extended families and family friends alike was remarkable. She had reminded me that once we arrived Ilorin for the Xmas break we would go and commiserate with Mrs.  Professor Mahmood whose wife’s sister was among this year’s Mecca stampede.
She had drummed to me that we visit and console Utzthaz Kazandubu in Ilorin who recently lost his 5 year old son, Ahmad. My wife’s compassion with the bereaved  was indivisible once she knew. My wife grieved deeply when my friend and notable Imam of Ansar Ud Deen Alhaji Badmos died in Niger Republic on his way from his brother’s funeral. The last e-mail I got from my wife contained our monthly budget.
As usual the amount in hundreds of thousands was largely about social support for the relatives, not for her children nor herself. Her birthday was to be 22nd December, yet she had not submitted a bill for any celebration. Indeed we were to surprise her. However the surprise of Allah is more spiritually unique. My darling was totally selfless. She was a bundle of generosity as enjoined by Almighty of Allah. We were two from my late mother. Zakariyawu, my brother died 12 years ago.
Since then my wife became the mother of all his children who know her as mother without inhibitions. After Allah I owe all my successes to my wife. She was whole a key driver part in the successes of abundance of children, wealth generation and my trade union struggles lasting effectively 26 years. I have written 8 books on varying subjects, my wife was a co-author including my weekly reflection on Daily Trust.
The two women in my life, namely my late mother and wife have shown that what many good things many men cannot do, women can even do better. My wife has shown that life is not how long but how well.  Even at this trying moment, I am proud to be associated with women of virtues. Comrade governor, Adams Oshimhole sums it up when he rightly observed that my wife had the heart of Gold. But what he did not say is that his late wife Clara Oshiomhole mentored by wife in selflessness, sacrifice and perseverance and the virtue of the fact that only death can do us apart. Today I extend my profound appreciation to all well wishers who tried to fight back our tears. They are too numerous to mention here.