Handling third party interference in your home

Marriage is an exclusive club which leaves out other parties. When boundaries in marriage are created, they are done to provide a safe place for the couple. Though the society may regard it as an institution, not everyone does. This is because they believe that a home can never be successful without the interference of […]

Marriage is an exclusive club which leaves out other parties. When boundaries in marriage are created, they are done to provide a safe place for the couple. Though the society may regard it as an institution, not everyone does. This is because they believe that a home can never be successful without the interference of another individual.
In the African society, when people get married, it is common to hear those around say it is not just the man that a woman is getting married to, but that she’s getting married to his whole family and the same is also said of the man. Because of feelings of ‘loyalty’ to the couple, well-meaning friends and family members think it is their obligation to render advice when necessary.
This assumption makes friends and family members feel that they always have a say when issues come up. This could spell danger for the couple. As a result, Lifextra sought to know how people would handle ‘third party’ interference in their home.  And secondly, what they would do if called upon as a ‘third party’ in an issue.
Kamnelechukwu Susan Obasi said it depended on who the third party was. She said “If it’s a relative/friend or someone close to my spouse and I, civility is the best way just so you don’t murder the relationship with them. But I think it is important that both parties agree first before tying the knot, what their response should be just in case the issue arises.”
She added that though she is not married but she knows that betrayal wears different masks like revealing what should have been kept secret between two people, then having someone else involved without the approval of the other party involved.
Speaking further, she added “I don’t know if this makes sense but how I would handle it is to speak about it with my spouse, get to know the reasons why it happened in the first place then look for ways to politely tell the third party that their opinions have been listened to. I will sort it out with my spouse and agree not to bring outsiders into what should be our private sanctuary.”
Francisca Benedict, a mother and teacher, says that she won’t welcome third party interference in her marriage except when the situation is out of hand. “Even if there will be any, it will be our sponsor or priest, any other person is not welcome.”
When Lifextra sought her opinion if she is invited as a third party in other people’s issues, she said, “Well, I will play my part regarding the issue at hand like I just did recently. The matter was resolved, because I had to explain to both sides what they needed to do, which they did and their problem was resolved.”
Lanre Afuwape, a civil servant, said “It depends. Sometimes, you can’t help but involve a third party depending on the issue at hand. Then, if I am asked to come in as a third party in someone else’s issues, honestly I would freely talk but at the same time be very careful about what I say because anytime the couple settles, you that acted as the third party gets the heat.”