Have men lost their sense of purpose in life?

It is a pathetic situation when a woman finds that she shoulders most of the responsibilities in the home including school fees payment, feeding and clothing of the kids to even catering for the man’s own needs also. At the end, what does she get for being so supportive and understanding? battering and abuse from […]

It is a pathetic situation when a woman finds that she shoulders most of the responsibilities in the home including school fees payment, feeding and clothing of the kids to even catering for the man’s own needs also. At the end, what does she get for being so supportive and understanding? battering and abuse from the supposed man of the house.

Society perceives boys as strong and not needing much emotional support as girls. However, this notion seems to be fast losing relevance and truth as recent trends show that boys need all the support they can get to make them a stronger and respected people in the society. To make strong and respected men out of our male children, starts from how we groom them in their different stages in life to the point where they can be classified as men.

In the past, males had a well-defined purpose. Men were the breadwinners of the family. They brought home the needs, and requirements of the home and were respected for doing so. Women took care of the children who respected the father for providing for them. Everyone understood his or her “role.” But the trend has changed today with men leaving part and if not, almost all the responsibilities to the women.

Many people argue that many men have lost their sense of duty to the family and generally in the society. “Really, many men have lost their sense of purpose in this life as all they care about is how many women they can get. Can you believe that many measure their strength by the number of women they can marry and the number of children they can have? If you look closer, you will find out that they cannot carry out their major responsibilities in the home, thereby leaving the woman to take care of them at least for the sake of her children. Most men do not deserve to be called ‘men’ as they are just out there claiming to be men whereas deep inside them they are just still boys,” says Hajia Bilkisu Abubakar, a woman activist.

The way we groom and raise our sons determines the kind of men they will turn out to be in future. A man of respect, dignity, reliance and capability is what every mother wants of her son. One who demonstrates manliness by having many children or giving priority to irrelevant things in life is not always desired by any mother because at the end of the day, he definitely cannot meet even his mother’s needs.

Parents, especially mothers, derive joy in participating in the development of their boys into young men. Mothers generally have a greater emotional impact on their sons than the fathers. With that joy comes a great responsibility. From an early age, boys need respect and support particularly from their mum. There are many men, who in many ways, remain boys because of emotions they developed from their relationships with their parents. Thirty, forty, even fifty-year-old men have difficulty with their own family because of these experiences.

Parents should show their sons how a man should act. Not only is it important for him to know positive behavior everyday, but to understand a goal-oriented life. He should understand the cause that his dad lives or lived for.

Basic man-skills come from his role models. Your son should understand how a man should love his wife and his children. Not surprisingly, the goals and actions of the dad may turn out to be who, the son becomes when he has his own family. Show him how to act.

Abandoning young male kids to the mercy of the society without the proper upbringing has not turned out well so far. There are problems with teenage misbehaviour in the society, but it has become particularly bad in some families where consumerism is particularly aggressive and the influence of the family in many teenagers’ lives has been almost completely eroded.

The essential element during the transition from youth to adult-hood, as at all stages in a boy’s life, is the attention from others especially parents. Human role models are important from the moment of birth, as parents unconsciously provide examples of social behaviour, language and life skills. boys need the consistent presence of a father figure, providing examples of acceptable male behaviour as they grow up. But as boys enter their teens, there may be tensions between father and son, hence the recognition across all times and cultures that adolescent boys need to move beyond the family and spend time learning from other men. Perhaps, the most significant difference between the lives of adolescent boys in the past and teenage boys today is the company they keep.

 For Mrs. Stella Obi, a psychologist, everything falls back to the mothers in determining if we are turning out strong, respected and responsible men in the society. “For the sake of the next generation, it’s really time to get over this fret about gender. Admitting that boys still need their mothers, fathers and male mentors is not a denial of sexual equality. It is a recognition that men and women bring different strengths to the enterprise of raising their young and establishing a formidable family. Women have to recognize that in terms of raising boys, there are some things sisters or the society just cannot do for their boys.  Whatever our sons turn out to be is what we have made of them!”

mothers, we have a duty to ensure that our sons have and retain their sense of purpose in life.