Helping your partner to handle money

So in getting your husband to save money, there’s always the mother in law factor to contend with, but that should not stop you. Your mother-in-law, if not widowed or divorced, is also someone’s wife and must have faced a similar dilemma. Some mothers want to keep control over their children (one of whom is […]

So in getting your husband to save money, there’s always the mother in law factor to contend with, but that should not stop you. Your mother-in-law, if not widowed or divorced, is also someone’s wife and must have faced a similar dilemma.

Some mothers want to keep control over their children (one of whom is your husband) not minding how grown up these children might have become. In fact many mothers who for one reason or the other are dependent upon the support of their children may want to keep her eyes on her son’s (your husband’s) finance. This is bound to lead to friction every now and then. And with a wife that seems possessive and a mother that won’t let go, the husband ends up in a quandary.

According to Mrs. Amy S Panyi, controlling mothers don’t realize that their sons have become adults so they want to control their lives and finances. This is usually as a result of not letting go of the son especially when he is a favorite or an only son. The mother feels she is her son’s responsibility. Even from the religious point of view, it is right to look after one’s parent and it is a sign of love; culturally, the dependent woman feels she trained her child to become what he is and so it is now like a payback time for him.

“You know, as they say, people expect to reap from a farm where they have sowed and the more you plant, the more the harvest. So if a son doesn’t bring anything home, the society sees him as irresponsible. So some mothers see their children as investments against tomorrow. However, if the mother is financially self-reliant and maybe has a husband, she may not put pressure on her son to bring money home,” Mrs Panyi said.

Nevertheless, as a woman, you can resolve all this by adopting some simple techniques. For instance, you can get your husband to set aside a certain percentage of his income for his mother. This should be determined by the mother’s status; if she is well-to-do, it should be less and more if she is not.

Forget about the myth that a couple shouldn’t talk about money because it only leads to fights. The truth is that through communication you can agree on how to tackle every problem under the sun. Therefore, you and your spouse can agree on a percentage to save and for what.

Women need financial security, but this is debatable because society differs. Different women from different societies view finance-related issues differently. Most independent women who are working do not really press on controlling their men’s money, while those who are dependent feel it is their sole prerogative to save their man’s money. They are of the opinion that they are in better position check on the extravagant spending of their man. In doing this, however, you may be creating a needless problem for yourself. If you feel strong about issues, feel free to discuss them with your man. The man, especially in a society like ours, is seen as the head of the home.

But still Mrs Talatu Buba believes women should have a say in the way their husbands handle money. “Women are more prudent in spending; they manage money effectively and are more careful. Women tend to prepare for future financial instability. A woman is very passionate considering the fact that she is a mother. This is why most women tend to remember their children’s birthdays while most men don’t. A woman is very good at keeping and handling family finance because she can keep detailed record of resources.”

“For a woman also, her family comes first before her carrier or anything else, besides, girls are more prepared from childhood about finance than boys. Because a girl is exposed to things like shopping, saving, and economical handling of things at home than the boy,” she added.

Deborah S. Buba is of the opinion that a woman is in a better position to manage money for food, shelter, children’s upbringing, parents and other expenditures. “She is able to regulate spending for prudent expenditure. Women are naturally blessed with the wisdom of saving while men prefer to take the risk of investing. Men think of now while women think of tomorrow, a responsible woman will not misuse her man’s money. So, she would try and make sure she handles the money well for the future and genuine spending which will limit the man’s access to unnecessary spending.”

In trying to save for your future together, you should take out the important things first before saving the rest. Spending lavishly on things you want shouldn’t be a woman’s priority; rather it should be spending on what you need. Differentiate your NEEDS from your WANTS. As tricky as this may get, every woman should look for quality and not quantity. This really helps in saving that little extra. Every woman feels a great need for financial stability. Both men and women have reasons for spending money, it could be based on your priority list or just based on one’s emotions. The only difference between men and women on money issues is what they spend the money on. It is quite difficult to table one’s financial issues with your hubby that is why you have to create a level of trust to be able to make your hubby confide in you. In most cases, keeping a joint account is a way of keeping track of money spent. Women feel a high sense of security knowing that in case of a rainy day, there is something to fall back to. But remember, every decision taken by you should be discussed with your husband as an opinion.