His Excellency is rattled

In fact, by the time I got home that day I was feeling sick. I fell down on the settee. All my three wives rushed in to find out how the meeting transpired. When they saw the look on my face, they did not bother to ask again. Instead the one who was doing the […]

In fact, by the time I got home that day I was feeling sick. I fell down on the settee. All my three wives rushed in to find out how the meeting transpired. When they saw the look on my face, they did not bother to ask again. Instead the one who was doing the cooking that day asked me if I would eat dinner. Dinner ke!
It was Maikaho who woke me up the next day and he quickly unrolled his plan. I asked him if it will not cause problems for us in the future but he said no, that unless we teach the Governor a lesson he will think we are political neophytes and will continue to maltreat us in the future. I therefore approved Maikaho’s plan and furnished the money to carry it out, since the amount was not even much. Within days, I began to see the result.
The first one was a carefully planted newspaper rumour. The Lake is a small community newspaper in our state capital. It is published by one young journalist from the living room of his house. After Maikaho met with him, The Lake came out with a screaming headline, saying that our Governor is like Blagojevich, the governor of Illinois who tried to sell Obama’s Senate seat when Obama was elected president. There was a front page caricature of the Governor with large ears and large teeth, eating hungrily from a pot. On the pot was written “Ministerial slot.” The story, with the by-line of “our special reporter,” said more than ten of us were fighting to get the ministerial nomination and that the Governor was busy offering it to the highest bidder. The day the story came out, policemen went to arrest the publisher but he fled the town. He had no wife or children, so he just took a small bag and fled.
Attack number one dovetailed into Maikaho’s attack number two. Alhaji Tukur Goshin Bauna’s Ministry of Works office is situated near an open field where young boys go to play football in the afternoon. The day after the story came out, as Goshin Bauna left his office at about 6pm, two dozen young boys abandoned their football practice and ran after his car, brandishing a copy of The Lake and saying “Ole! Ole! How much did you pay for the ministerial slot?” Goshin Bauna is known for his temper, so he told his driver to stop and he came out of the car to confront them. He said, “Who sent you? Who is it that paid you to come here and embarrass me?” As he said so, one boy bent down, scooped sand and threw it into Goshin Bauna’s face. Soon there was melee. The commissioner dived into his car and the driver zoomed off with the door still open. The boys took after them with sand and stones.
The next day, policemen went to the football field looking for the boys that chased Goshin Bauna but none of them turned up for the practice. They however sprang another prank in another part of town. The Governor was due to commission a refurbished hospital bloc the next day. The project was running late and workmen were seen late at night painting the building and putting finishing touches. At dawn, when the workmen fell asleep, some boys sneaked up to the site, seized a bucket of red paint and wrote on the hospital’s wall, “Goshin Bauna bought ministerial seat.” When the workers woke up in the morning and saw the huge graffiti, they quickly painted it over with black paint. The Commissioner for Health was alerted and he ran to the Government House and cancelled the commissioning ceremony.
A full scale investigation was soon launched. Police detectives were doing their own probe and party officials were also doing their own. It was not long before the state party chairman sent for Maikahon Karo. The chairman said, “Maikaho, all these things that young boys are doing to us in the last few days, I am not saying you are the one that organized it. Far from it. I know you are a loyal party member who will never do that kind of thing. I am however appealing to you to help us to bring an end to it. His Excellency is very disturbed by it, and you are the only person in Tsibiri that these street urchins will listen to.” Maikaho agreed to help but he said he could not do so unless the Governor soothes my anger over the ministerial nomination.
That was how I was taken to Government House at short notice. The Chief of Protocol came with the Political Adviser in a Mercedes Jeep. When we got to Government House, the Governor sent other visitors out of his office and I was ushered in. His Excellency was very contrite. He said, “Alhaji, I know what I did at the caucus meeting was very bad. Even though what I announced there was what the stakeholders told me to announce, I should have explained to you in advance. Even now other opportunities for political appointment are still coming, some of them even better than minister. Just wait and see. Meanwhile, I will like you to please prevail on Maikaho to prevail on these children to stop embarrassing us with these their tricks. Maikaho is the only one in this town who can tell them to stop, and you are the only one in this town now who can tell Maikaho to tell them to stop.”