Hold your tongue – Let me wail

By the time you’re reading this, Naija would either be a ghost town or soaked in monkey and baboon blood. Labour, or the rump of what it used to be has promised a mother of all shutdowns. They are not alone. With his vintage cars and the N36 million tear-rubber jeep safely tucked away in […]

By the time you’re reading this, Naija would either be a ghost town or soaked in monkey and baboon blood. Labour, or the rump of what it used to be has promised a mother of all shutdowns. They are not alone. With his vintage cars and the N36 million tear-rubber jeep safely tucked away in his country home in Kabba, Champagne Dino Melaye has promised to mobilise for the mother of all demonstrations. Those who attend labour’s protests are guaranteed canisters of tear-gas or pre-arranged official escorts. Those in group two are assured of vintage champagne shots to go round.
For those who are strangers to Naija politics, nobody knows the official line; people woke up one morning to find out that the pump price of petrol has jumped from N85 to N145. Whatever you do, don’t do dollar conversions, because you may lose perspective. Although my math suffers worse fate than my French grammar (apology to Dr. Nnoruka), N145 is almost twice N85. Government is yet to come clean on its rationale just as people await the true picture of the Naira-dollar exchange rate.
Since nothing unites Naija people except rivalry over the European Football League, opinions are divided. Government supporters, a.k.a-hailing hailers have exhumed statistics from Venezuela, Saudi Arabia and other ‘abnormal’ climes to buttress their argument for subsidy withdrawal, if that is what it is. Opponents – usually known as wailing wailers describe this as double standard and have called people out to support ‘labour’s’ second attempt at parodying the ‘Occupy’ movement. They argue that to sit on the fence is to answer NANS description of every onlooker – a traitor or a coward! There are those on the borderline consisting mainly of those who ply the Kogi-Enugu axis, live in Maiduguri or drive sleek cars in Port Harcourt. These ones cannot remember the last time they bought fuel at controlled price.
It is now official; government has bowed to the marketing cabal. While the subsidy subsided, none of them was arrested, investigated or prosecuted for the economic sabotage inflicted on the country. They collect subsidy, import refined fuel, sell at any price of their choice or create artificial scarcity. They will do it again and you will queue again – just give it a few months.
Sitting in a cozy townhouse in Ottawa, I am told I should let the government at home decide what is best for Naija. I agree. Except that my being here is not by choice. I come from a family of eight siblings. There are three graduates in my family; two  have diplomas and the rest have trade certificates, yet none draws a salary. We are technically ‘unemployed’ with lots of mouths to feed. When NNPC and CBN were backdoor hiring, we had no long legs to get on the train. In Canada or Saudi Arabia, we would be on social security. In Naija, we draw from nothing, we scrounge but government promises palliatives. It reminds you of NALDA, FEAP, NAPEP, DFRRI, Peoples Bank and other government run palliatives. Hailers say Buhari’s palliatives would last forever, I say amen, but what sayest Niger Delta Avengers and OPEC? This is no time to eat burger, drink coffee and play the ostrich.
So, those who have access to computers, phones, live in homes and drive cars, could you please hold your tongue and let me wail? I have read how some people would have to spend N10-N16,000 feeding their car and generating sets every week  with the new fuel price regime – the average Naija wants to just – live! That’s the bottom line.
If Dino makes good on his threat, he would inhale tear gas assured that his bank account is credited even while he’s away from the Red Chamber.  It is not so for civil servants in 27 states of the federation who have gotten tired of fasting and praying for their salaries to be paid. Why should I trust a man who is not Richard Branson, asks me to tighten my belt but keeps eleven presidential jets and draws dollar allowances each time he travels to needless conferences? We have heard Aliko Dangote talking about building refineries instead of paying subsidies – that has been the logic since Babangida parried IMF loans but soaked on the broth of its conditionalities.
The average Naija just wants to live. The average Naija is still being taken for a ride. He waits for the outcome of investigations to the CBN and NNPC scam and it is being glossed over – that is not accountability. The average Naija doesn’t see change when Lai Mohammed can break rules and ask a parastatal for loan to travel to China when his job is in Abuja. The palliatives are soooo sweet to read. But how much is Sai Baba using to renovate the Villa this year? What about the budget for Aso Clinic, compared to teaching hospitals? Why do the poor always get palliatives while the rich get omelet breakfasts? These questions make me groan like John Donne – for God’s sake, hold your tongue and let me wail.