How and why Anyim keeps busy

In North America, all scams are traceable to the ‘Nigerian prince’. Until now, our national identity consists of – tribal marks, phonological identity or dressing. President Jones has taken a onetime decision to change all that, just flash your MasterCard identity card and all the other privileges would be added unto you. This card’s unique […]

In North America, all scams are traceable to the ‘Nigerian prince’. Until now, our national identity consists of – tribal marks, phonological identity or dressing. President Jones has taken a onetime decision to change all that, just flash your MasterCard identity card and all the other privileges would be added unto you. This card’s unique features according to those who know card features is an innovation in identity idiocy, but what do they know? They must be shareholders of the rival Visa Card.
My advice is that President Jones should not listen to disgruntled elements; he should adopt the Pilate principle. Let me jog your ecclesiastical memory a little bit if you are a student of religious knowledge – after having delivered Jesus to be crucified, Pilate ordered a sign to be hung on the cross on which he had written – The King of the Jews. This did not go down well with the Jews who still deny that Jesus was anything other than the son of a carpenter named Joseph, but the adamant maximum ruler told them – what I have written, I have written.
Back in the day, Kings had the final say and in case you are in the opposition and you think that President Jones is not a King, I am sorry for you, because you must be living in a different world. We have gone beyond accepting the fact that the Naija president is the most powerful in the world even if Guinness is uncomfortable with it. It would appear that this time around, Guinness would have to find a space in the Book of Absurdity to put Naija’s many incongruities.
Others may have entered the record books for sundry reasons; we are daily fighting to get recognised for more malignant reasons. Ours is the only political process in which competence is not a criterion for leadership nor are parties known for a people-centred manifesto. We have gone beyond the level of the Americans or the Europeans who still think that these inane things are important in deciding who runs their own societies.
For us, it is supremely important to know the religious inclination of the candidate and their ethnic origin. This helps us to balance the pendulum of looting with innovation. In other words, if the last occupant was from a geopolitical and religious group which looted traditionally, it is expected that the next one be the reverse and find a digital way of doing the looting. Whereas, the western world uses polls to determine the future of candidates in elections, we have now invented something more foolproof – cryptic signatures. For those who do not know, fingers, they say, do not deceive.
This is why we must give kudos to TAN for taking political marketing beyond the level of polls and for helping Anyim Pius Anyim shed his toga as the official sleeper of the government of the federation. These days, Anyim is very active and if he continues this way, he may lose a few pounds flying from one point of the country to another. What more, he may help President Jones pinpoint Gwoza on the national map. Give it to TAN, their innovation of collecting signatures of those in favour of President Jones tazarce or continuity beats the unverifiable polls as the true test of a man’s popularity. As President of the Senate, he and Ghali Na’Abba colluded with others now happily at large to help the Wizard of Ota change the content of a bill passed by both chambers of the Irrational Assembly to favour the latter’s whim.
This time around, Anyim is making sure that the signatures do not disappear, so, he is collating them personally. From hindsight, this is a geopolitical role that is well suited to Anyim. He is very much at home with Arthur Nzeribe’s Association of Better Nigerians, ABN, and Daniel Kanu’s Youth Earnestly Ask Abacha, YEAA.
What more, his brothers, canary Willie Obiano of Anambra and the eternal chairman of APGA, Victor Umeh are in cahoots. This should make Attahiru Jega’s work beyond reproach, after all; the people have spoken where the opposition has yet to show interest. Yeye or nonsense may be smelly in other places, in the PDP it is called fresh air and it is the perfume that messes the nation.