How children from broken homes suffer

Real love, however, tends not to fade away, it becomes stronger while the couple persistently tolerate each other and adhere religiously to their vows.The  relationship between a man and woman that is anchored on real love will never fluctuate, break, or disappear but unfortunately, many young men and women get attracted to each other any […]

Real love, however, tends not to fade away, it becomes stronger while the couple persistently tolerate each other and adhere religiously to their vows.
The  relationship between a man and woman that is anchored on real love will never fluctuate, break, or disappear but unfortunately, many young men and women get attracted to each other any how without adequate and proper consideration of how to make, ensure and attain permanent love  which makes both parties always cherish themselves.
Considering the rate at which divorce cases keep recurring these days, it is pathetic and worrisome that day in-day out marriages are dissolved legally in courts due to flimsy reasons . The most disheartening part  is that some of these couples are blessed with children who will eventually face the consequences of their separation.
On May 14, an Area Court 1, Center Igboro, Ilorin dissolved four marriages out of seven divorce cases. One of the cases involved a couple who have been married for 25 years   and are blessed with 11 children. The wife sought divorce due lack of love between them, serious beating by her husband, and the cruelty of her husband to her and the children.
 The judge, Justice Yusuf Abdulkareem, asked the husband if he had any objection, and he told the court that he has no option than to accept the divorce, and that was the end of their marriage  as the court granted them divorce.
Another woman also sought divorce from her husband on the grounds of beating and lack of love. They got married 15 years ago and have five children, inspite of that, the husband allowed his wife and children to go.
The marriage between the third couple was also dissolved as the wife told the court that 15 years of their union which is blessed with four children has no peace,  she lacked her and that  her husband had abdicated his responsibility towards the kids.
The wife accused her husband of abandoning the children and having an affair with another woman and all efforts by their parents to put things in order proved futile. The husband through telephone conversation told the judge that he accepted divorce, claimed nothing from her and asked his wife to be catering for the kids as divorce was granted.
The fourth couple also had their union of 16 years with three children dissolved because of lack of interest by both parties, absence of peace of mind and lack of love.
Looking critically at the cases and the reasons for the divorce, it can be deduced that in any separation between a man and woman, both of them will definitely have their ways but the children are the ones to face the consequences of a separated home as they  usually end up staying with either the mother or father or their relatives.
Children of broken home are deeply affected psychologically, behaviorally and with absence of care and they are more likely to exhibit bad behavior as a result of the breakdown of the family unit.
Children from broken homes are mostly brought up with uncertainty which makes it difficult for them to cope with life challenges because they lack adequate parental training. For instance, if the children remain in their mother’s custody, it may be a little better as the mother will not want her children to be spoilt.
The children may stay with their father who may not have time and  leave them with another woman in his house who will maltreat them.
Moreover, separation between husband and wife tends to make their children end up psychologically traumatized. The children feel dissatisfied with life, stay unhappy, and depressed because they hardly  get  adequate care and proper training  in most places they stay.
Above all, children from broken homes are more likely to experience conflict in their own marriages and might want to give the same kind of treatment to their future spouses.
A psychologist John Gray said, “People think that post separation parenting is easy, they do not realize the damage they do to their children by the battle they wage over them –in fact it is exceedingly difficult as a rule of thumb by experience that nothing worse for most children than for their parents to denigrate each other thus, the more intellectual the parents the more intractable the dispute. Children from separate home rarely behave reasonably.”
“Both men and women need to try to take each other on their own terms rather than applying the standard of one over another. The fact is that we are different and act differently and the result of differences often lead to misunderstanding. For men, they assumed themselves as direct and correct, act in a forceful manner and handle things on their own.
“Thus, they need to be accepted and admired by their wives, appreciated with the little they provide, approved and trusted- meaning that, whatever man says or instruction to the wife must be accepted and assumed to be truth without argument,” he added.
The psychologist said for women, they typically acquire a quieter, more tentative and questioning approach. “They need to be validated and respected, understood, be reassured and cared about by their husbands. So, man should keep in mind that he needs to make her validated, respect and understood, as well as take time to reassure her and let her know he cares about her.”
If couples take cognizance of these, there will be no misunderstanding between husband and wife. Thus, it is very important for the couples that are still together to understand themselves, respect one another, as well as admire themselves in their union so as to safeguard the marriage from splitting and protect the future of their children.