How do I mend my broken heart?

I met and fell in love with him when he was already in a relationship. To be fair to him, he did not hide it from me, but he professed great love for me and his wish to keep me above everything else. I reminded him about  his girlfriend and he promised to do something […]

I met and fell in love with him when he was already in a relationship. To be fair to him, he did not hide it from me, but he professed great love for me and his wish to keep me above everything else. I reminded him about  his girlfriend and he promised to do something about it.

Although I remained in the relationship with him, I was never comfortable with the fact that his girlfriend lives with him and he was still dating her all the while he kept telling he would break up with her. I was still thinking of what to make of it, when he called me one day to tell me to give him a few months of break to sort himself out.

Because of my love for him, I thought I could manage with giving him the time he requested for but he started by hardly calling me and only picked my calls occasionally. I consulted my friend who advised me to quit the relationship. Even though I have not communicated that to him, he stopped picking my calls completely and never called me again. I still feel very hurt, I feel my heart is still broken into pieces and have not been able to forget and move on. What do I do?

Bunmi

Bunmi, he has made up his mind and has since communicated it to you. The one who cannot make up her mind is you! My dear young woman, please wake up and pick up your life together and move on. I am trying to relate your brilliance to the fact that you just made a fool of yourself.

You appear to me to lack self esteem and that explains why you found yourself in this rather funny situation. You will do yourself a lot of good by looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that you deserve some self-respect. No one will give you respect if you do not have self-respect first. These things are easily noticed, your guy may have noticed that he can dish you rubbish and he gave it to you. He has helped you to take a decision when you failed to do so and you are agonizing!

First, you knew he had a live-in girlfriend and you still went ahead to have a relationship just because he promised to ‘do something about it’! You went ahead to give him room to think and you were still thinking until he helped you to think. I don’t know of any brilliant girl that would have done that. Now that you are lucky and he has helped you to see the light and thanks to your girlfriend’s advice too, please pick up the broken pieces of your heart and move on because the man has moved on. Even if you still feel sore, you do not have a place in his life, it is over and he has told you so. Remember to respect yourself in your next relationship.

Is he the right guy for me?

Aunty Nana, I need your advice to help reassure me that I am on the right track as I am about to take a make a major decision to leave my boyfriend even though he wants the relationship to continue. I am in my early twenties and a student in Keffi. I am in a relationship with a guy who has about a dozen other girls around him.

I know  it sounds funny but I know this because I check his phone. My friends and sister have told me to stop checking his phone to avoid hurting myself but I just cannot stop.

He denies having relationship with the girls I see with him and whose messages I read on his phone. I know he is telling lies whenever he denies them because I know the messages I read on his phones. Now I am fed up with his ways and now convinced that I made a big mistake by dating him, I know he cannot change.  At about forty years of age, it is obvious that he is set in his ways and would never change. I forgot to say that he also smokes. I have made up my mind to leave him, please let me know if it is the right thing to do.

Binta

What? It must be a really big party going on there. Leaving him is the right thing to do especially as you are not enjoying the huge party (with a dozen other girls) going on there! No girl with even an atom of self esteem should hang around such a character as you have described for too long. Please, you are right to dump him and move on.