How do you handle a cheating partner?

Marriage they say is not a bed of roses. Marriage comes with a lot of challenges but this does not mean couples can’t overcome them. Some challenges could be classified as primary and others as secondary. Primary challenges could include jealousy, snooping on partners and nagging among others.   “I and my husband live abroad but […]

Marriage they say is not a bed of roses. Marriage comes with a lot of challenges but this does not mean couples can’t overcome them. Some challenges could be classified as primary and others as secondary. Primary challenges could include jealousy, snooping on partners and nagging among others.  
 “I and my husband live abroad but visit Nigeria very often. We have three children from our eight years marriage. I never snoop on his phone but of recent I did and noticed something. I saw aconversation with his cousin where she sent names of two girls to him. My husband then sent one of those names to a guy who works with an airline to book a flight for her from Lagos to Abuja. This cousin of his is married and I sense this isn’t the first time she is hooking him up with her friends for whatever reason I do not know. I have not confronted my husband yet but I intend calling his cousin’s husband to call her to order. I am confused about how to go about handling the issue maturely.”
Amina Zubair says if she is looking to sort things out maturely, she should first start with her husband. “Sort things out with your husband first, that is where maturity begins. Ask why his cousin sent those names and why he booked a flight ticket for one to Abuja. What is she needed in Abuja for? Be polite but firm. His answers will determine your next step. If he admits cheating on you with the lady his cousin introduced to him, then you have every right to talk to the lady and even report her to her parents and husband. Then sort things out with your husband. Whatever you decide to do, do not over react;if after all this he does not give you any reasonable answer I would suggest you do some more snooping. I am not a fan of ‘snooping,’ but it is good to know the real truth in cases like this. If snooping more will do the trick, then go for it to save your marriage,” Zubair advised.
Patience they say is the best antidote for anything and this is what Edith Chijiok suggests: “Before she jumps to conclusion that may raise heavy dust and cause her regrets, I will advise she remains patient and clear things first with her husband. His response and reaction will guide you on a safer action.”
But Aliyu Umar thinks the troubled housewife should create problems that will dissolve her marriage: “Before she makes any allegation,she should verify and sort things out with her husband. There is no point dragging his cousin into the crisis because if she does she is bringing the whole family against herself. I would suggest she secretly follows the whole event and know the truth before she acts.”
Felicia Davie on the contrary says handling such a matter never yields positive results: “A friend of mine was in the same situation with her husband and handled the matter maturely and today she is out of the house while the other woman is in her place in the home she built from scratch to finish. What other proof does she want, she has seen the text and that is enough proof. If you ask him, he will surely give an explanation of lies; she should not think that he will come out straight with the truth. I will suggest she faces the cousin only then will the husband brace up and know you mean business and would do anything to protect the marriage from these Abuja and Lagos girls.”
Hajiya Fatima Tanko supports the idea of calling the husband to order through a family member. “Not all in-laws will support their brother even when he is wrong! You know the kind of family you are married to. Don’t confront your hubby just yet because you don’t have enough evidence, do more snooping first and get your facts because if you bring it up now, he will definitely come up with a convincing story and then become more careful with his phone and his other means of communicating with the ladies. For his cousin she should be called to order, she is also married.  Let whoever is talking to your husband understand that his cousin does not mean well for him, if truly she arranges girls for him when he is in Abuja,” Tanko reasoned.
Maryam Abduallahi says such characters are not forced on an individual but are a thing of choice: “Leave your husband’s cousin out of this crisis; for sure you know she did not force these ladies on him. She might have initiated it but it was also his choice to go through with it. His cousin is the last of your problems right now. The big problem is your husband, face him and talk to him about what you saw and leave the cousin out of it. He is not a baby, so he’s actually consciously cheating on you, deal with it dear. Rescue your home from the home-front first and when you have that settled then you can face the devil outside. I suggest she puts strict restrictions on the said cousin from her family matters, her reasons should also be made known to her husband and the family.”
Marriages face hurdles; cheating spouses are a part of these hurdles. But when such issues come up, confronting them in an aggressive manner always ends up ugly. A conversation built on trust and sincerity is what a marriage needs. Sometimes a sincere conversation is what a partner needs to come back to his senses.
As for the snooping part, marriage should be built on trust, snooping only gives emotional problems. There is a saying that ‘what you do not know doesn’t kill you’ in this case what you do not know doesn’t give you emotional trouble. This is not to say cheating on a partner is justified.