How do you react when your spouse disrespects your parents?

The society expects you to respect your parents and other elders whether they treat you right or not, a rule that often proves tough to obey. Rudeness comes in many forms – if the rude person is your spouse, life becomes a challenge. When your spouse acts rudely to your parents, especially in public, you […]

The society expects you to respect your parents and other elders whether they treat you right or not, a rule that often proves tough to obey. Rudeness comes in many forms – if the rude person is your spouse, life becomes a challenge. When your spouse acts rudely to your parents, especially in public, you will probably feel both hurt and embarrassed. Below is what some respondents think about the issue.
Jeraldine Emmanuel, who is in her late 20s and single, said: “This would be one of the issues my spouse and I would discuss during courtship. As for being respectful to his parents, I will be but they shouldn’t overstep their bounds. They should respect me as their son’s wife and I will respect them. Respect, they say, is reciprocal.”
Cleo Ufuoma, self-employed in her mid-20s and engaged, told Lifextra that: “Disrespecting my parents is something I am not sure I can take. I think the first question I would ask is what is causing the disrespect? Did any of my parents give room for such to happen or is my partner just not respectful?”
She adds that: “For marriage or any relationship to work, respect is reciprocal. It must be a vital ingredient; there is no individual who would be pleased about his or her spouse being disrespectful to the parents. It is something that could lead to many things.”
Thirty-year-old Chidi Bernard, a civil servant who is married, concurs with Ufuoma, stressing that he would not take that because he would not disrespect his spouse’s parents.  “I believe the moment we get married, my parents become yours and yours mine. If you can’t disrespect your parents, why would you disrespect mine? I know there are times that our parents step out of bounds and push you to the wall, but to tackle such situations, you can discuss with them subtly, making them understand that what they did was wrong. If it is repeated, discuss with your partner to proffer a situation,” he stated.
Vera Akin, a 27-year-old hairdresser who is engaged, said: “My fiancée’s mum already knows her limits. She already knows that if there’s any misunderstanding between both of us, we need to settle it amicably to avoid it degenerating into fights and insults.”
Alyce Victoria Adams, a 26-year-old Mass Communication student related the story of a family friend whose mother-in-law was furious about the way she was treated by her son-in-law because she wanted to be respected by force. “After the whole ‘drama,’ the marriage ended because my friend felt that since her husband couldn’t respect her mum, there was no point being in the marriage,” Adams narrated.
She added that such things teach lessons: “I may be single but at least when I see some of these things happening to people around me, I learn a lot from them and pray such things don’t happen to me. There should be a level of understanding between couples before they get married, especially with regards to how the parents of either the man or woman would be treated.”
Nana Sunday, a self-employed lady in her mid-20, said she would first of all know what caused the disagreement that led to the insult and disrespect of her spouse. “I would find out from both parties (my spouse and my parents) to discern if my husband was right in being disrespectful,” she added.
Different strokes for different folks, an adage says. In line with that adage, David Pearl, a 29-year-old self-employed lady, advises that: “No matter what your in-laws do to you, it doesn’t justify disrespect. They were the ones who raised your spouse. You can’t a good reason to be disrespectful to them. That is why it is advisable that the couple should have a very deep discussion about this because it is a sensitive issue.”
Ada Ihezi, a married woman in her early 30s, said before she got married, she and her husband discussed it and they put it before their parents. “So, now that we are married, our parents know their limits, especially my mum and his mum,” she stated.
Ihezi added that: “What some couples fail to do is that they don’t consider things like this as very serious. They overlook it and after they get married, if anything happens between the couple and their in-laws, especially the mothers, it generates unnecessary problems.”
Proffering a solution she said: “Issues concerning how you would treat your husband’s or wife’s parents should be discussed as you both plan your marriage together.”
Joy Mohammed, a 29-year-old lawyer, blames this kind of problems for the rising rate of divorce and separations in the society: “You’ll find people giving lame excuses of their spouses being wicked and arrogant to their parents but that’s not an ideal reason for divorce although that’s how we see it now.”
Oyibo Sam, a 32-year-old engineer, advises all intending couples to bond with their potential parents’ in-laws before tying the nuptial knots. “In order to have peace in marriage, I took my fiancée to my hometown to spend some days with my mum so that they could understand each other well and ease the process of sorting out their differences in the future. All intending couples need to do that to avoid any form of disrespect and trading of blames,” he urged.