How Esther became Hajiya Rabi: A love story

Esther is young, familiar with Catholic rites, and burning with the wish to become a nun. Then her eyes would begin to glow. All other attractions lose value whenever she thinks after the Reverend Sister in her habit, and the Convent in which they live. Her mind now turns to the regular Mass and the […]

Esther is young, familiar with Catholic rites, and burning with the wish to become a nun. Then her eyes would begin to glow. All other attractions lose value whenever she thinks after the Reverend Sister in her habit, and the Convent in which they live. Her mind now turns to the regular Mass and the use of Latin, the tongue in which the congregation prays and sings while in the Cathedral. At that time she wanted to serve the Almighty, and becoming a nun would assist her to Worship Him better, she told this reporter recently, her mind going back more than 30 years to vividly recall events in which love played a major part.
Most people in Eastern Boki knew that the smart, fair complexioned lady with the friendly laugh and rich sense of humour, was cut out to be a Reverend Sister. She told anyone who would listen that this is the path she had chosen. She imagined that in the future she would be known as Sister Esther, and raised her head as though the event had already taken place. Then she applied to and was admitted into the Annunciation Girls Juniorate Munaya, Ogoja, which is a school for the training of girls aspiring to become Reverend Sisters.
Life in the Convent
But what was life like behind the walls of the Convent as she knew it? This was the junior Convent, and the very first step in a girls wish to become a nun. Her words ‘In the Convent you have to understand that you are there to serve the Lord.It is a mode of life in which you serve the Lord twenty four hours a day’. She adds ‘At 4.00am you wake up. Before 5.30 am, you are in your prayer room, and you remain there until 7.30. Then you go for breakfast. This is followed by classes. After classes you go upstairs for siesta, and after siesta, you go for prayers all over again.It is a movement from prayer to the classroom,and from classroom to prayer again. That is how life is in the Convent, but it is a good life and it  is a nice life. You don’t worry or think about anything, apart from serving the Almighty.’
Lady in love
In 1981 there was a stir in the community when Esther did the unexpected: she fell in love and married a Muslim. The Mother Superior, who is the head of the Convent, was stunned, and the people of Obudu could not believe the news that the young nun had not only fallen in love, but had married a Kanuri and a Muslim from Borno. They were shocked, for young Esther had now, in the twinkle of an eye, metamorphosed into Rabi Aishatu Ali. Or better put she had become Hajiya Rabi Aishatu Ali.
The young wife who immediately set many records with her marriage to Ali Abdullahi, hailed from Wula, near Obudu.  As a young girl growing up in the quiet community, she was known as Okpambe Esther Ofre. The first Catholic school she attended was the Junior Convent, Ogoja, referred to above.
 ‘I love you’
She remembers that in the fourth year in the school, her concepts had started to change, and these were ideas which created the environment for her sudden turn to marriage ‘In my fourth year when I went on holiday, my ideas had started to change. I told my father that there is a lot of stress in the school, and that I still want to become a Reverend Sister, but that I want to change to a different secondary school.’ It was while she was at her new school, the Girls Secondary school, Obudu as a day student, that she met the gentleman who was to become her husband. This was at her cousins house, and she lived there as a day student. Her future husband came along to visit on one occasion. He fell in love as soon as he saw her, and immediately expressed his feelings to her cousin, who conveyed the feelings of the Kanuri businessman to Esther.
‘Will you go to Borno?’
But how did she feel in the immediate hours following the realization that she was in love and was about to get married? Her words ‘When the marriage issue came up, at first it was like a joke to me. I went to meet a sister at Ikom, and told her that I have fallen in love with a Muslim, and that he is speaking of marriage. The sister said that I should not accept his offer. But a marriage such as ours had never happened in the Convent before’. She explains ‘Even in my community, it had not happened. My father was the chief. When the issue came up, people were saying you are the chief, why have you allowed your daughter to go and marry a Muslim? In my family there were also two opposing groups one for and the other against the marriage. ‘With the approval of her parents she got married to Ali Abdullahi in 1981, while she was a day student at the Convent.
The authorities at the Convent were upset. She recalls ‘The Mother Superior was so annoyed, asking how can I be training children to become Reverend Sisters. Later, the girl will arrive and say she wants to go and marry a Muslim?’ She explains that the moment was not an easy one for her. When people learnt that her husband hailed from Borno, they now came asking ‘Will you go to Borno? Oh, we will not see you again. ‘At that time there was immense pressure exerted on the lady who was just turning 19.
The young bride
What were the early days like for her as a young Muslim bride? She converted to Islam within the first week of being married. She now had to adjust to the new culture, but with the love of her husband, and the help of his mother and sisters, she was able to adjust and soon she began a new season of life as a Muslim ‘I became a Muslim soon after I was married. We had to do the Muslim marriage in Obudu, and many Imams came around on that day. ‘But things were not very easy for her ‘At the beginning I found it very difficult to adjust to Islam. I started to wear the hijab. Then I learnt how to pray in Arabic. I had to learn Arabic, and I had many mallams and scholars coming around. My husband was bringing them to come and teach me the language and many other aspects of Islam. ‘In a flash she quickly learnt to prepare Kanuri meals such as Fankasau for her husband. She also cooked the delicacies from Obudu which he had grown up to like, having been born there.
My first hijab
On  her experience when she first wore  the hijab, she says ‘One day I wore my first hijab and this was the occasion when I had to go out with my mother in law. She gave me the hijab, and said the days of going out without wearing the hijab have passed. But for me to go to the market, or to the hospital with the hijab was a bit difficult, but I got used to it. When people who knew me passed and saw that I was wearing the hijab, they would pause and exclaim at the top of their voices ‘Look at her. Oh, look at her.’ She went on Hajj for the first time in 2007, and says that she can speak some Arabic today. She has advice on marriage for intending couples, and argues ‘If I were to come back to earth for another life, I would still want to marry a northerner and to be a Muslim. I have no regrets ever since I married my husband.’
Son in love
At a point she wanted Jamilu, one of her sons, to get married to a Christian lady from Ugep, another community in Cross River state. He had earlier met and fallen in love with the lady. But her family were opposed to this relationship and possible marriage on account of religious and cultural differences, arguing that they won’t allow their daughter to wear the hijab. This was a blow to Rabi’s efforts and the hopes of her son. The parents held to their position, despite the fact that both boy and girl were already in love. If the marriage effort had worked, Rabi would have reenacted to an extent a little part of the circumstances within which she got married to her husband, more than 30 years ago. Now, the son has found a lady from Kano whom he will be marrying soon, though his original intuition was to marry from Cross River state. 34 years after her marriage, Hajiya Rabi has 6 children, and 11 grand children.
Mixed marriages
She has a recommendation for intending couples ‘I will encourage people to go into mixed marriages. On account of this there are interesting things a couple can learn from each other. So, it is good for us to marry from outside our immediate areas of origin. I will also encourage Muslims from the north to marry girls from the Obudu area.’ This lady from Obudu, who married a northerner and embraced Islam, is now actively involved in politics within Cross River state, especially as this relates to the Hausa/Northern community in the state. She is a Woman leader within the Hausa/Northern community of Calabar. This may show how far a person can rise if he or she can cross cultural and social bridges in matters of love and marriage. Her words ‘I am the women leader among the Hausas in Calabar. If there is any issue relating to politics in the state, I take the news to the Hausa community, and I also mobilise the women. I am the state mobiliser.’ She also adds that her husband once married another lady who hails from Obudu, but adds that the arrangement didn’t work out well.
Born in Obudu
Ali Abdullahi mentions that getting married to Rabi was the natural and best thing for him to do at the time he did. This is because he was born in Obudu, and says that many Hausa men in the town were also born there, and had already been marrying women from the town long before he got married to his wife. The culture of northerners marrying Obudu women caught on long ago ‘Among 80% of the Hausas in Obudu, you will find that their wives are also from Obudu. The women are all Muslim too, and so the idea of marrying from Obudu was not new to me or my people. My elder brother has four wives, and three of them hail from Obudu. He has a total of 34 children, and only 5 of these are from his Hausa wife. I went to my wife’s parents and asked to marry her, and her parents agreed. Within 6 months of getting to know each other, we got married’, he says with a smile.
‘High turnover’
He fondly recalls the day when he first saw his wife ‘I first met her through one of my friends who is her cousin. I remember that I immediately liked everything about her. This includes her manners, and the way she kept the compound clean.’ He adds ‘Women from Obudu like the institution of marriage, and they like people from other cities and towns.’ He notices a difference among marriages within the Obudu area, saying ‘There is a marked difference between Obudu women who married Muslims, and those who married Christians. Up till now the Obudu women are still marrying northerners, or rather Muslim northerners. There is a high turnover rate in this regard.’ Ali says that today unlike other Nigerians, he can claim to come from two states. These are Borno where he has blood ties among the Kanuri, and Cross River where he was born, found a wife and still lives with his family and the woman he loves.
Love conquers all
She confesses that the towering love of her husband helped her to walk the long corridor from the Convent to Islam. In this wise life has turned full circle for Rabi. From the singing of hymns and reading of verses in Latin in the Convent, she now expresses herself in Arabic, the language in which the Holy Qur’an is written. In the past she focused on Rome, the seat of the Catholic Church, but now, in a major turnaround, she looks towards Mecca.
 There are other issues here too: She must not wear a short dress, and will not receive a man ‘just anyhow’ to quote her, in her house. Rabi will not eat food with a member of the opposite sex who is not her husband. Neither, will she shake hands with a man. Islam frowns on these and Rabi obeys. She declares ‘There is nothing in Catholicism that I do not understand. Now, given the education I had in the Convent, I understand Catholics very well and I have many friends among them. They visit me, and I return their visits.’
Women, like Rabi, who for various reasons, did not complete their studies at the Convent, have formed an association in Calabar, where, it seems among other things, they may compare notes. But Rabi says she has not attended any of their meetings, implying, with a smile, that she may not do so anytime soon.The young lady who wanted to be a nun some 34 years ago, is now a Muslim who not only wears the hijab and has a gold tooth, but is a friend to many Catholics and northerners in the Calabar area.