How fathers can bond with their children

It is therefore always a subject of intense debate whenever the question: “Do men make a difference in the lives of children?” arises. Would we ever ask this question about mothers and children? Of course not!” But it is a question that is being asked with greater frequency – often within the framework of studying […]

It is therefore always a subject of intense debate whenever the question: “Do men make a difference in the lives of children?” arises. Would we ever ask this question about mothers and children? Of course not!” But it is a question that is being asked with greater frequency – often within the framework of studying the social cost of fatherless children, a growing demography as ‘exhausted Dads abound.’
But in recent decades, the role of the father has evolved into a much more nurturing, tender, involved one, and this is great news for ‘overworked mothers’.
Research is showing that an involved father is also crucial to the healthy development of the child. It is, admittedly, much easier for the baby and mother to form an early and deep bond; however, that only means that you need to dig a little deeper and try a little harder to find special ways and moments to show your baby that you love her or him.
Irene Goldenberg, a Family Psychologist  said: “Bonding rules also apply to role modeling: It’s not just for mothers.  Don’t assume that mother’s biological connections give them an advantage.
“Parents role-model all sorts of qualities – being patient, being kind, being polite, it’s the way we talk to each other. It’s how we treat each other, how we deal with frustration, with anger. It’s the tone of our voices.”
“It isn’t a single experience,” says Goldenberg. “It should be a pattern of behavior. Also, many men don’t take into account that this is an enjoyable experience. You should not be frightened by it. You should relax into it.”
The way that fathers play with their children can be important as well. Fathers tend to spend more time in playful, physical activities with their children, which researchers believe helps children learn to regulate their emotions and resist the urge to act on aggressive impulses.
Fathers also tend to encourage independence and achievement, in contrast to the nurturing and protective nature of mothers, both of which play an important role in a child’s healthy development.
Mr Musbau Dan-Wahab, a father and civil servant resident in Abuja shares his experiences with the Home front: “I do not like what I see around me in terms of the attitude of our children and it all boils down to the gap between fathers and their children. If your children see you as a close confidant, they will share their strongest fear with you and you can avert any looming crises.”
Mrs Omolara Omowa, an adolescents teacher  in her contribution said: “When we see children that enjoy good bond with their fathers we can tell because it reflects even with their communication with male adults (like their male teachers) they are confident. They seem to know what to expect and I must add, bonding  does not rob  a father of his disciplinary capacity after all mothers also discipline the children when the need arises”
Father-child bonding is especially important to young girls. Dr. Obie Clayton, professor of sociology at Morehouse College, explains, “The effect that fathers have on daughters is extremely strong, even more so than for boys. When fathers interact with their daughters, those girls have higher self-esteem.”
He argued that, girls learn from their fathers how they should expect to be treated by men and those with loving, attentive fathers are less likely to end up in violent or unhealthy relationships.
Fathers have no excuse not to bond with their children as It doesn’t take much time to do it.
Recommendations from child-father relationship experts say even with traditional fathers working heavy 60 hour-plus a week, fathers can establish a bond with their children  in as little as four hours a week.
Fathers shouldn’t try to re-create those moments that children have with their mothers, but instead, they should seek out their own special bonding activities.
Here are some other suggestions for fathers to help increase bonding: Give a sponge bath, get him/her dressed, take them on walks, sing and read to them, or play with them. Goldenberg says in particular ‘holding and touching are important for bonding.’
The following is a must have if you intend to strike a strong bond with your child:

Soothe their tears
Even though it may be tempting to hand a crying baby back to Mom, take a try at soothing his/her tears (unless he or she’s hungry, of course). Try singing to her, walking her around, gently rocking, or find the closest pacifier for him/her to suck on. They must learn that Mom isn’t the only one who can give them what they need.
Try a baby massage
Babies respond to touch, and a simple way to soothe and relax them is with a baby massage.When your baby is quiet and happy take 10 to 15 minutes to gently rub her legs, belly, arms, and neck.

Special play time
Set aside time every night to play with your child. Make it part of his daily routine, so when you come home from work he or she expects his or her daddy’s time.

Take a sick day
When your children get ill, it’s important for you to nurture them too, so take a day off to stay home with them. Try to go along to the hospital too, so you can hear from the doctor how he or she is developing and growing.
Now is the time to make the commitment to bond with him or her on a daily basis. It can make a profound difference in your child’s life.