How long should you wait before dating again?

Breakups are tough, regardless of the reasons. Sometimes people find it difficult to move on after a breakup for several reasons. When a relationship is ended, it is usually associated with some sense of loss and in some cases, even depression. A young lady who ended up her relationship after she found out her partner […]

Breakups are tough, regardless of the reasons. Sometimes people find it difficult to move on after a breakup for several reasons. When a relationship is ended, it is usually associated with some sense of loss and in some cases, even depression. A young lady who ended up her relationship after she found out her partner was cheating, jumped into a new relationship barely a month after the breakup. As a close friend of hers, she confides in me on so many things, therefore she came asking if what she did was right. So I was left wondering: When is the right time to start dating after a breakup? We got interesting views from respondents.
Hadiza Aliyu, 32, a businesswoman, is of the view that a person should take time after a breakup in order to prepare one’s-self physically and mentally. She said after a breakup, it doesn’t mean that a person would never date again; it just takes time to heal and eventually move on. “There is always a right time for one to pick up his or herself and get back on the dating game. However, the timing varies from person to person. For some people, they prefer going ahead to start a new relationship immediately after breakup because according to them it stops them from becoming lonely while others feel there is no need to jump into the next relationship,” Aliyu said.
Aliyu added that the lady in question should do what pleases her, as there is no right or wrong to such a problem. She said if dating a new guy would make her feel better, then she should go ahead and cheer herself up.
Samson Yusuf, 27, an IT specialist, says the lady shouldn’t have started a new relationship because by doing that, it shows that the love she had for her partner wasn’t real and unconditional. He explained that there is no way a person who was deeply in love would move one in such a short period of time. “Relationships end because something, somewhere, is not working which is very normal but falling into a new relationship isn’t the way out. If due to certain circumstances, you become single, take your time to heal first from the breakup. As with any loss, you have to go through a process of grieving, until you feel you are ready to get out and meet new people. And honestly I believe the period of grieving should take not less than six months at least,” he said.
Yusuf went on to explain that he sees the whole thing as a rebound and sincerely, it is not fair to a new partner or to you if you are dating on the rebound, trying to forget what you had before. “In other words, don’t jump into anything too quickly until you are really ready and also aware of your motives,” he advised.
Cecilia Timothy, a student in her early 20s says there is no specific time one should start dating after a breakup. She said the most important thing is when you are over the person that broke your heart. Whenever one feels he or she is done hurting and grieving, then it is the perfect time to start a new relationship.
She cited an example of her friend who broke up with her boyfriend and just a month later, she found herself in another relationship. “When I asked why she had rushed into another relationship with a guy she barely knows, she replied by saying she did it to get back at her ex. According to her, her ex boyfriend broke up with her for something small that happened but he made a big deal out of it and he thought she wouldn’t survive without him by her side. So that is why she is proving him wrong and she wants to make sure he is hurting just as much as she was hurt.”
Timothy suggested that people react differently and not the same thing works for everyone. However, she called on people to move on with their lives when they feel good about whom they are and what they have to offer. She said: “Afterwards, they should get out there and date. Until then, don’t worry about the amount of time it takes just focus on your next step to feeling better. When the time comes, you’ll be glad you waited.”
Lukman Ahmed, 42, an engineer, believes that falling in love is something that happens without one even knowing. He said when the right time for one to move into a new relationship comes, you don’t need to stress yourself because everything will fall back into place. “It baffles me when I see people troubling themselves all in the name of love. If for some reason your relationship didn’t work out and you breakup with your partner, just relax and wait for your next relationship. I believe if you are worry-free and you focus on being a better person, the right person would come at the right time,” Ahmed said.
Ahmed says the main reason why most people jump into new relationships immediately after breakup is to avoid loneliness and going through the pain of loss. He cautioned that no one should rush into a relationship because the force that drives you into a desperate relationship might end up complicating your life thereby, messing up your love life completely.