How long will you wait for love?

We ask ourselves the question above when our hearts tell us that we are deeply loved. The truth repeatedly comes close only to pull away. Then we ask ourselves if we imagined it all or if it was real. Ima and Joe had been dating from their days as undergraduates. Though Joe graduated before Ima, […]

We ask ourselves the question above when our hearts tell us that we are deeply loved. The truth repeatedly comes close only to pull away. Then we ask ourselves if we imagined it all or if it was real.

Ima and Joe had been dating from their days as undergraduates. Though Joe graduated before Ima, their relationship blossomed and it seemed marriage was on the horizon. A few months to their wedding, Joe got a scholarship to do an MBA programme in the UK. He was in a dilemma because he didn’t know what to do. Then one night he called Ima, who by then was his fiancée, and told her the ‘good news,’ though she was happy and sad at the same time, she did not let the sadness reflect in her voice.
They had several dates before he left but two days before he left, he told Ima that he was going to for something good that would be of great help when they eventually got married. Though she was hesitant, she still believed him and even accompanied him to the airport on the day he was scheduled to leave.
It’s been eight years since Joe left and there has been no form of contact between both parties and Ima doesn’t think she can wait any longer after the years she and Joe have been apart. The question on her mind is: ‘How long will she continue to wait?’ If only there was an easy answer to this question, she would have felt at ease when it came up in her heart. But like so many other issues, this one doesn’t come with an easy answer.
What would advise Ima to do?  We spoke with a cross section of people and the responses we got were very interesting as they varied from place to place and from one person to person.
Uju Chukwuma, married and a civil servant said she waited for 10 good years. “I and my husband started dating when we were in school. After he graduated, he didn’t get a job on time, so I eventually finished and caught up with him in the labour market. I got a job before him, but I stayed with him because I loved him and I knew how far we had come. So, yes I can wait for love for a long time, if it’s worth the wait,” Uju said.
Maria Mohammed, a single businesswoman, related the experience of a close relative thus: “My aunty was engaged to be married and while they were making plans for the marriage rites her fiancé got his long awaited visa and he chose to travel abroad first. He got there, kept in touch for a while and eventually stopped. My aunty who was pregnant before he left had given birth. He didn’t bother about that but instead he called my aunty and told her that she should move on with her life because he had found someone else.”
She added that he compensated her aunty by buying a house for her and still sends money for the upkeep of the child. “But it is just the financial benefits. What of the emotions? After that experience, I swore not to ever wait for any man,” Maria stressed.
“In this age and time, there is no time to waste”, says Levy Ojumah a banker who is single. “Although I have heard of relationships where people courted for six, seven or even 10 years, there is always a mutual understanding; like education. My cousin and his fiancée are both studying: she is in Germany, while he is here in Nigeria, which is quite understandable,” Maria said.
“But a situation where the man is going outside the country to seek greener pastures with the promise of coming back for you when he is settled is a big NO. I won’t do it to any girl and I won’t advise any girl to wait for such a man. Most times, if not always, the relationship ends after they have both wasted their time,” she added.