How many oranges are worth N600m?
MTN, certainly. Glo too. Certainly Dangote Cement. Shell and Mobil, as a matter of fact. Etisalat and Airtel could make this league, then Nigeria LNG, Cadbury and Unilever. Now, in this league, please add a popular orange seller in Kaduna who operates from a headquarters building [a shack, actually] near Kaduna’s Kawo Bridge, a stone’s […]
MTN, certainly. Glo too. Certainly Dangote Cement. Shell and Mobil, as a matter of fact. Etisalat and Airtel could make this league, then Nigeria LNG, Cadbury and Unilever. Now, in this league, please add a popular orange seller in Kaduna who operates from a headquarters building [a shack, actually] near Kaduna’s Kawo Bridge, a stone’s throw away from the Nigeria Army One Mechanized Division’s Headquarters on Zaria Road.
You heard me quite alright, an orange seller. A security source told Daily Trust in Kaduna on Monday that a combined team of soldiers and agents of the State Security Service [SSS] arrested the orange seller on suspicion of spying at Army facilities on behalf of terrorist groups. Don’t forget, two suicide bombers made a bid to bomb the One Division headquarters last year while another suicide bomber simultaneously tried to bomb the nearby Air Force Base on Mando Road, so the soldiers have a point about people spying on them.
Now, I don’t know what other evidence the Army has that this man tried to spy on them. In these days of NigComSat satellites and other spy-catching technology gadgets, I know better than to ask the Army to tell us what their evidence is. The security source did mention something interesting, though. He said when the orange seller’s account in a new generation bank was examined; it showed that 600m naira passed through it within three months.
Let me see; the last time I bought oranges, big and ripe green oranges that the locals call ‘Dan Benue,’ I got a dozen for N1000. I am trying to calculate how many oranges would go for N600 million. That means 12 times 600,000 which give you a total 7.2 million oranges.
Who is there in Kaduna that will buy, let alone eat 7 million oranges within three months when it is not yet Ramadan period? Even if it is, is he the only orange seller in Kaduna? In fact, the real centre for orange selling in Kaduna is the Junction railway station market, followed by other large fruit markets at Lugard Hall, Unguwar Sarki, Sheikh Gummi and Kasuwar Barci markets. I agree that this man should offer some explanation to the soldiers. While he is explaining, I beg make I eat one small Dan Benue.
NAMA, stop the flying witches
I would like to appeal to the Nigeria Civil Aviation Authority [NCAA] and the Nigeria Airspace Management Authority [NAMA] to please stop their wild goose chase of trying to ground Governor Rotimi Amaechi’s plane on behalf of the Presidency and instead do something that is much more worthwhile for Nigerian air travellers.
I mean, they should borrow a lead from our tiny African brother Swaziland, where the Civil Aviation Authority is not involved in presidential political quarrels and is very vigilant in curbing all flying objects that could pose a threat to civil aviation. Recently, the Swazi Authority’s marketing and corporate affairs director Mr Sabelo Dlamini announced that any witch that takes to the skies over Swaziland on a broomstick should ensure that she flies well below 150 meters above the ground. Clearly, this is a thoughtful measure intended to avoid undue collisions with Boeing, Airbus, Douglas, Hercules, Tupolev, DeHavilland, Fokker or other types of aircraft.
You see how serious this small nation is? They even remember to regulate flight by witches. They defined a witch’s broomstick as “heavier-than-air transportation device” that is regulated by aviation laws. Now, to be frank, there are ten times more flying witches in Nigeria than there are in Swaziland, Lesotho, Malawi, Botswana, Zimbabwe and South Africa combined. They can only get more numerous as the year 2015 approaches. Yet, NCAA and NAMA are so busy chasing Amaechi’s plane that they forgot to regulate them.
Well, this is a timely reminder. Don’t wait until a high-flying witch’s broomstick hits the tail of one of this country’s 150 private jets during take-off before you begin to ask Air Accidents Investigation Bureau to probe the crash. Regulate them now!