How should you handle an abusive partner?

Ami and Mika were together for two years and people who knew both of them could not hide the fact that they both looked good together. Six months before they got married, Mika’s attitude towards Ami changed. He always raised a fist on her at the slightest provocation but she endured and thought “He’ll change […]

Ami and Mika were together for two years and people who knew both of them could not hide the fact that they both looked good together. Six months before they got married, Mika’s attitude towards Ami changed. He always raised a fist on her at the slightest provocation but she endured and thought “He’ll change after we get married.”
Things continued that way and even got worse after their wedding. Ami became a punching bag which Mika used to ‘exercise’ his fists. It advanced to the use of belts, kicking and name calling in public. Ami always felt embarrassed and she became ‘lost’ because she didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t sure anymore of how she would handle this situation as it affected her psychologically that she even lost concentration at work.
The scene above paints the picture of what happens in a typical African home where one person is subjected to continuous spousal abuse and is bereft of any ideas on how to get out of that situation. Abuse which can come in any form occurs when one person in an intimate relationship or marriage tries to dominate and control the other person. It does not discriminate while choosing its victims as it occurs within all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels.
Lifextra went to town and sought the opinions of respondents on how they would handle an abusive partner. The responses we got were interesting because it is becoming disturbing and it’s on the rise.
Yunusa Abdullahi said he would first of all need to know what wrong he committed and what his partner didn’t like which made her behave that way towards him. “After identifying the problems and reflecting on what she has said, I will try to avoid such behaviour to prevent such reactions from her in the future.”
Ized Amana, an artiste, said “A man who beats you is not a partner. He’s enslaving you. The question is do you want to be a slave or a queen? You are a queen therefore you should be treasured if you are in a relationship.”
He added “If you are not adored and treated right, then take your leave. Walk out of it because you were not planted there. You went in by choice so leave by choice.”
Aro-Lambo Yusuf, a surveyor, told Lifextra that an abusive partner could be managed but the victim should be calm and not return fire for fire. “They should try to keep such abuse away from the children but seek counsel from a trusted friend/family. The violent ones most times, often don’t have remedy but being African and religious people, I’ll admonish prayers and calmness and some show of kindness to the oppressor.”
He added that if it persists, the recipient should seek an end to the union. After all, nobody expected a boxing bout in a hitherto “sweet love”. Continuous abuse or battery has only one remedy:  “QUIT before it’s too late,” he advised.
Also speaking to Lifextra, Taofik Rotimi, a student said “When your partner is abusive to you, it doesn’t matter if it’s physical or emotional just leave. It is as simple as that. And if you are already married to the person tell the elders/family to talk to the abusive partner and if there are still no changes, LEAVE! It is that simple.”
Speaking on the effect being in an abusive relationship has on the victim, Michael J. Formica in his article titled “Understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships” in Psychologytoday.com stated “The victim is also morbidly insecure and for surprisingly similar reasons. He/She also has little sense of his/her own social value, but makes an effort to establish that value by losing him/herself to the demand for submission. The fear that feeds this insecurity is also about not being lovable or loved, and there is a willingness to accept the inconsistency of the abuser’s attention for the sake of being loved.”