How to manage interpersonal relationships

Book title: Managing Interpersonal Relations: A Study on Temperament and Perception Publisher: Kraftbook Limited, Ibadan, Nigeria Author: Kelechi Okoronkwo S. Pages: 212 Date of publication: July, 2015 Success in every business begins with the ability to get people to cooperate. But the question is: How do you get people to cooperate? According to the author […]

Book title: Managing Interpersonal Relations: A Study on Temperament and Perception
Publisher: Kraftbook Limited, Ibadan, Nigeria
Author: Kelechi Okoronkwo S.
Pages: 212
Date of publication: July, 2015

Success in every business begins with the ability to get people to cooperate. But the question is: How do you get people to cooperate? According to the author of this book: Managing Interpersonal Relations: A Study on Temperament and Perception, Kelechi Shadrack Okoronkwo, how to get people to cooperate and work together is the most difficult interpersonal relations question.
All discussions, illustrations and demonstrations in this book revolve around answering this and other interpersonal relations questions. At the end of the day, the author is able to answer the question and provide antidotes for other questions.
The book has two parts. Part A discusses temperament and perception as two critical factors that affect interpersonal communications. The first approach to managing relationships is to understand the personality and idiosyncrasies of the prospective partner or partners. This is to enable you put yourself in their shoes and appreciate where he or she is coming from. That is why you must know their temperaments, backgrounds and experiences in order to have a better judgement of their actions and inactions.
Secondly, we need to work on our perception if we must have a sound judgement of ourselves and others. We need good perceptual ability. Poor perception makes you have inaccurate judgement – making issues out of nothing, or doing nothing when you are required to act.
Other important issues the author treated in Part A are James Haddow’s Nature-Nurture Controversy, attitude and its impact in interpersonal communications, as well as understanding man and woman’s natural behavioural differences.
 Part B of the book dwells on some nuggets on making relationships work. Some of the nuggets, according Okoronkwo, are forgiveness, tolerance, love, communication, appreciation and moderation.
The author’s arguments on the indispensability of challenges in interpersonal communications are adequately summarised in his two quotes on page 101 of the book: “Everyone of us has conscience. You can always appeal to our consciences by challenging our weaknesses in a positive way.” “Eventually, great men in all businesses go out of their ways to keep their relationships because their relationships are their businesses.”
 Dr Adinoyi Onukaba Ojo, in the foreword to the book, captures further thoughts of the author when he states that “The book teaches us how to value, understand and keep relationships. Successful management of relationships requires great skills. This book teaches us those skills.”
The section of the book on smothering (page 183) is the most captivating. He says, “Smothering is the temptation to give your partner too much chase. You want to be with him or her always. You so much desire the relationship that you don’t want your partner to have time for himself, and you too, don’t want to have time for yourself.”
Okoronkwo contends that though love is an instinct you want to satisfy, you don’t forget that both of you are different persons. You have different problems and are coming from different backgrounds. He says the more you give your partner too much chase, naturally; he or she would have the tendency to run. You keep chasing and he or she keeps running. He argues that there is then no time for the partner to feel your importance. This is because you rather give him or her an overdose of what he or she desires – that’s smothering. He therefore advises that when you play your part successfully and properly, the desired response: love, comes naturally and you do not have to labour for it.
 He noted that two psychologists, Andrew Christianson and Neil Jacobson, taught that one of the relationship conflicts is closeness – distance conflict relationship. In this type of conflict, one of the partners is pursuing while the other has no alternative than to keep running. This always results in a polarisation effect where the one being pursued naturally moves away. This usually occurs when one of the partners -usually the female, wants a more intimate relationship while the other – the male, desires to maintain an optimal distance level. This is wrong. In a short while, both partners will become tired. One will get tired of pursuing while the other will be tired of running away.
 Furthermore, the author’s choice of photographs for illustration is instructive. For instance, his use of Nelson Mandela and the biblical David to demonstrate forgiveness; a Buddhist and Christian sitting together to demonstrate tolerance; the General Overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God, Enoch Adeboye’s followership on the social media to illustrate good peoples’ management, is apt.
 His background as a public relations executive, currently in the Federal Inland Revenue Service (FIRS) and former reporter in The Guardian newspaper, as well as other experiences in life, gave him the leverage to adequately discuss the issue of interpersonal relationships. In this era when love seems to elude the society while chaos and insecurity have taken the centre stage, this book is highly needed.