How to regain lost trust

Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy often badly destroyed in relationships and marriages, trust is one ingredient in a relationship that once broken, can be very hard and difficult to rebuild.  Many people believe wrongfully that in a good marriage, you can “relax” […]

Trust is one thing that takes a long time to build and a very short time to destroy often badly destroyed in relationships and marriages, trust is one ingredient in a relationship that once broken, can be very hard and difficult to rebuild.  Many people believe wrongfully that in a good marriage, you can “relax” and not have to monitor everything you say and do. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Not all trust once broken can be rebuilt, but one can regain or recapture lost trust if there is a commitment to regain it.

However, we must first understand what trust is.

Trust is the most important foundational block of any relationship. It is involved in all the basic elements of a healthy relationship: namely, love (respect and consideration for another person), communication, commitment and honesty. Without trust, you may get feelings, you may get the high of the “moment,” you may get patience and tolerance, but nothing will provide the strength and the solidity you need for a lasting relationship as trust.

The root of trust is absolute believe ainbout the other person. And belief in the other person is the accumulation of experiences that have either affirmed or corroded the original commitment or promise. Trust is born in the way the other person registers in the trust radar.

What believe is registered about a person is what directs other peoples’ behavior and actions towards that person. So, trust is critical to the dynamics of any relationship, whether business, politics, working environment, marriage, family or a cordial relationship.

Hadiza Aliyu Wudil says, “having trust and faith in someone is vital to making any relationship last. There are sometimes in our lives we tend to lose the trust we have for our friends because certain things that might have happened. When your trust is broken, you feel so betrayed and heartbroken that you tend to find yourself asking if you can ever find yourself trusting that person ever again. You want to hate the person forever and just move on. However, sometimes, things are not that easy especially in instances where kids are involved. Love can be a very complex thing. It has its ups and downs and can create the feeling of being in heaven or hell. But when trust is lost then it is surely going to be something that could be completely fixed.”

For Hakeem Balogun, when trust is lost in a marriage, it could be very complex and hard to fix, because women are very tough when it comes to trust. “Sometimes, forgiveness can happen and trust can be regained. It won’t be an easy, smooth road but with hardwork,  it can be achieved. So, the question is, where and how do you start in regaining lost trust in your marriage?  Betrayal is mostly at the root of all trust. The betrayed person will go through life seeing herself as a less desirable person than others or believing herself to be unlovable.

“When trust is lost in a marriage, the woman automatically tries to keep her spouse at a distance in anticipation of trying to decide how best to live with him knowing that she might never bring herself to trust him again. In this situation, how long can a woman keep a distance from her husband to avoid being heartbroken again?”

To work through trust issues, one needs to recognize the source of betrayal and its unusual occurrence. If one’s attitude is that of, ‘I do not care’, or ‘ I do not need anybody’, it’s time to drop that and seek how best to handle the trust issues affecting the matrimonial happiness.

Here are some of the best steps to regain trust without destroying what already exists. Whoever is involved should start by asking oneself – what drew him/her to this person to begin with? What are the pros and cons of staying in the relationship and trying to work it out?

Have you discussed the issue yet with your partner? If not, take time to relax and regain your composure so you can talk things out in a calm and civil manner. If not, there could be a tendency to say things you probably don’t mean and often, that just could take the hand of the clock  back which could worsen things.

Take a look at your relationship’s track records. Is this an isolated incident or a growing pattern of distrust between both parties?  If you decide to really work on the relationship, then set realistic boundaries for the two of you. Remember, you are probably not going to be around the person 24 hours a day, so you need to have faith that both of you are keeping faith with the target both of you had set together.

Put the past where it belongs – behind you. Constantly bringing up the past will only cause you more grief. You can’t move forward until you have left the past behind you. Want to end a relationship quick? Then keep throwing up the past. It’s a dead ringer for sure. Bringing up the past is of no use for the marriage!

Allow some time for yourself. Sometimes you need to be lonely with your thoughts. You need time to scream, cry, or do whatever is you need to do to make yourself feel better to move ahead.

Rebuilding trust is a process that needs to be worked upon through. It will take a lot of dedication, but if you are determined to succeed, it can happen with a lot of pains and setbacks. If you are willing to give the relationship another try, it could be better and stronger.