How would you handle a young child’s crush?

Romantic relationships are normally for adults, or at least teenagers. These days even students in secondary school engage in close friendships with members of the opposite sex without a parent batting an eyelid. What’s funny, or alarming, depending on how you look at it, is when children below the age of 10, who are in […]

Romantic relationships are normally for adults, or at least teenagers. These days even students in secondary school engage in close friendships with members of the opposite sex without a parent batting an eyelid. What’s funny, or alarming, depending on how you look at it, is when children below the age of 10, who are in primary school, involve in such relationships. Recently, a friend told me about the dilemma her friend was in, that her eight-year-old daughter has a crush on a boy in school. At first I was amazed and wondered if it was her friend’s imagination wandering far. My friend went on to explain to me that her friend’s daughter confided in her and asked for her mother’s help on how to go about pleasing the boy.
‘How is she dealing with this crisis?’ I asked. I called it that because while teenage relationships are already a handful, to have an eight-year-old having a crush on a boy is even bigger trouble. So, when parents were asked about the issue, the responses were as varied as they were interesting. 
Abdulhamid Musa, a father of three, says he has had such an experience before and advises that: “It comes as a surprise and I would want to thrash the living daylights out of that child. But when you think again, you will realise that all this is happening as a result of the kind of society we live in. I would advise the parent to hear the reasons for the crush and constructively guide the child to the right path. Scolding will not help in this situation.”
Olaide Olademeji, a father of two, also suggests that an old-fashioned mother-to-daughter talk should take place at this stage: “The mother should talk to her daughter about the boy in question and ask her the things she likes about him. From her response she should be able to tell the kind of crush she has on said boy.  It could just be normal friendship or likeness and nothing more. But if she finds out that they are not normal attractions then she should start tutoring her on sex education, the disadvantage and all that. The mum should dwell more on the disadvantages.”
Aisha Ibrahim says: “The issue should be handled with care. To get the whole truth and what is actually happening, as a mother she should show that she is interested in the whole thing so that she will continue to confide in her. He reason for being attracted to her should not be more than because he is good or intelligent in class and can help her with classwork. If her reason is outside this, then I think she should do more research by going to the school to find out more about the boy and also alerting the class teacher about what she has noticed.”
Tonia Abbey, comically, said issues like this are why she and her husband don’t want female children. “But he forgets that this could also affect our son. Some little girl might actually be crushing on him, too. Though I forbid this kind of thing at this stage, but I think the mum in question should try to separate her daughter from the boy and tell the school, too, and maybe the boy’s parents too. Sex education at this stage is very delicate for them; they will never understand.  On the other hand, it is a tough call because what you think might be strange to them is actually something they are conversant with when they are with their peers.”
Hajiya Zainab Isah, a mother of five, says: “I have an eight-year-old daughter too and there is too much self-awareness going on in her life at this age. She is even trying on make-up and trying to look good and yes, she asks such questions as yours about crushes and relationships. Personally, I will choose to deal with this by listening in the way an enlightened friend will, just to make sure that the proper communication lines are not blocked or broken. I wouldn’t wish her to learn about such from the wrong places. It’s not going to be easy but it just means that my sex education work started quite earlier than others because I can bet you the questions will not stop coming from her.”
Agatha Akinleye believes television viewing has a large role in what the eight-year-old girl feels emotionally: “I would suggest she controls her daughter’s TV viewing, she is getting too many ideas from what she sees there. I know of instances where girls and boys her age start to write stupid crazy love letters to each other and pass to themselves in class. I am a teacher and know what I am talking about. The mum should sit her down and let her know that she is too young to be crushing on a boy. On the other hand, this should be done subtly and not harshly as most African mothers do. You will never get anything positive from shouting at her. We should also learn to restrict some programmes to children and not allow them to be open to all.”
Taiwo Adelakun sees no harm in what she feels: “Crushes at that age are harmless. I remember I had a crush on someone too at quite a tender age. It will pass and as she grows she sees it as stupidity.”
Maryjane Ikechukwu feels the same way as Adelakun: “I don’t see anything wrong in it; my son of six years is already crushing on a girl, there is nothing wrong, they are still too little to understand. It’s okay for her to crush but learn to help her manage it. That is why we are there as mothers, to keep them on the right track.”
Children are quite a handful but in this situation, it is a tough task for mothers and even fathers alike. Tell her about the dangers of sex at any age before 18 and above. Illustratively, show her pictures of people who have become nothing in life due to such early mistakes. Television viewing should also be censored as most cartoon movies these days have adult scenes, check out every cartoon movie you purchase for possible censorship before allowing them access to the movie.
Many people might see it as a stage in the life of your children but on the other hand, see it as nothing. But we cannot leave everything to chance as a stitch in time they say saves nine. Children will always be children and will always be curious to try out everything if not guided properly.