How would you handle problematic in-laws?

If you watch Nigerian movies, you would have noticed the difficult in-laws recurring theme. Since films are expected to be a reflection of the society, then it means difficult in-laws really do exist. When one encounters these ‘clichéd’ in-laws, how should you react? Get your pound of flesh and hit right back or be the […]

If you watch Nigerian movies, you would have noticed the difficult in-laws recurring theme.

Since films are expected to be a reflection of the society, then it means difficult in-laws really do exist.

When one encounters these ‘clichéd’ in-laws, how should you react? Get your pound of flesh and hit right back or be the bigger human and turn the other cheek?

This week, LifeXtra sought people’s opinion on how they handled or intend to handle problematic in-laws.

Idiat Moses, an entrepreneur, said she married into a ‘difficult family’. She said when she married her husband in the late 90s, his family had wanted him to marry someone else and that earned her hatred from his family members.

“My mother-in-law did not like me at all. She embarrassed me at any given time and frustrated every effort I made to appease her. My only consolation was that my husband stood by me and told them they would lose him if they kept treating me as badly as they did,” Idiat stated.

She added that her husband’s ultimatum made the in-laws to back down with the embarrassment and they started pretending to like her.

Idiat said her financial growth was probably what made them back down eventually. She said “My husband told me to overlook their pretenses and be nice. But lately, they have begun to treat me nicely and one of our uncles believes it’s because my business is growing and they are beginning to see that I am not depending on their son financially.”

Gabriel Muru, a teacher, said he married a lady with more educational qualification than him and her parents didn’t like it.

“When I first met her, I had no educational qualification at all. I struggled to write WASC and she encouraged me to go for OND, and then HND. At first, her parents didn’t approve, they said I would have to get some educational qualification before they will accept my proposal.  She already had a degree in Chemistry and was planning to go for her masters.”

Muru explained that getting his HND didn’t earn him accolades as his in-laws still didn’t accept him.

He said “It was when she decided to step down on her education for me to catch up a little, that her parents agreed to allow us marry but they still don’t respect me after five years of marriage.”

Muru said he tried to avoid his in-laws, thinking they would respect him if they see him less often but that did not work. He also said he is now looking at ways to set boundaries because he believes nothing he does would change their mind.

Rahama Madugu, a housewife, said trouble started with her in-laws when after four years of marriage she did not conceive.

“My in-laws began to treat me badly; insulting and threatening to make their brother divorce me, and unfortunately for me my husband didn’t see anything wrong with what they were doing.”

Rahama narrated that she was the second wife and he already had children with the first wife.

“So I was blamed for not having kids. At first, I was patient with their insults, but when I could not take it anymore and reacted, my husband served me a divorce letter,” she said.

Yvonne K. Fulbright Ph.D. writing for Psychology Today on how to deal with your in-laws’ objections in ‘Parents-In-Law Don’t Want to Play Nice?’ stated that staying firm in your position is the way to go because “if you give someone an inch, then they’ll take a mile.”

She also cautioned against the danger of falling into the role of a child anytime you are around someone old enough to be your parent.

She said “Don’t forget that you’re the authority in your family.”

“If you find yourself falling into that trap, remind yourself that you are an adult, and that you have the right to do things your way, even if that means upsetting others.”

She however noted that this does not mean you shouldn’t respect your elders “but they also need to respect you and your family’s wishes.”